I miscarried our first in 93 and it was very hard pretty much because out of kindness and to try and help me everyone around me wanted me to just forget about it and move on. It was an honest attempt to help and I love them for it. Unfortunately I was still grieving because I was very attached to that baby even though I was only 5 or 6 weeks along and it never turned in to anything anyway.
Believe me, saying "its natures way of dealing with a pregnancy with something wrong" wont help no matter how well it is meant. I think we all know that if you miscarry, you know something was wrong. Now some people snap back from a miscarriage and are just fine and I WISH I was like that. But others (like me) needed to really grieve. There are support groups for people who miscarry. A friend of mine bought me a book called "How to survive the loss of a love" which helped incredibly. Its a short book and it helps with little daily directives and it helped me and other friends who have miscarried or have lost other loved ones.
One other thing was I felt like I was dealing with this death, but there was no funeral or grave to put flowers on so I never got any kind of closure. That is probably because in my mind things were further along than they actually were, so what I did was plant a tree that was my baby tree (it was actually a lilac bush) nothing maudlin or fancy just something that I bought and planted for that purpose. All I can say is it helped.
You are probably not in the mood for suggestion--o-rama right now but even though I dint know you, you and your wife are in my thoughts during this painful time. You will get through this and have a beautiful baby some day soon!
Take care!!! 
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