I'm from Chicago. A place that I love dearly, my first true love, that I never should have left. I now live in Arizona and will more than likely die here. I have told all my friends and loved ones that if they leave me in AZ I promise to come back and terrorize them for eternity.
Here's the kicker. I don't like fire. I hate the idea of being on fire. It scares the living bejeebus out of me. Before I moved to AZ, I had planned on being chopped up and tossed to the wolves. Why does being chopped up and turned into dog food not disturb me but being burned post-death not? How the hell should I know? I'm no therapist.
Anyway...due to current unfixable circumstances, I have agreed to be cremated. It makes me sick to my stomach thinking about it, but I just cannot stay in this state after death (atheists...just hush. my story...).
So...I will be cremated, my request to be scattered in one of three places (in this order) 1. Chicago River 2. Lake Michigan 3. Mississippi River (whichever will not get my scatterer arrested). After my scattering, I want a plaque posted at the Courthouse Square in Prescott, AZ, "Fuck off, Arizona. I'm finally free from you."
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