Loss, lies, confliction, confusion, fakeness, struggles, hardship...

[LuckyCharms]

10. I'm scared, I'm in trouble, and I'm crashing.

I can't crash. I have people who depend on me.

Things have happened that are causing me to feel like this, and I don't know what the hell to do.

I'm in big ass trouble.

I've been here before and pulled through.

It feels like this time, I won't.

I hate myself for posting this negative bullshit, but I'm in trouble. And I'm ashamed.

A family member is severely mentally ill. She's incredibly intelligent and exceedingly kind.. She loves me to pieces. I talked to my wife about taking her in, letting her live here, and she agreed. I then found out that this family member had some kind of incident an incident involving a knife that they have to go back to court for. I cannot have this person in my home considering this.

I'm losing friends like I never meant a goddamn thing to them. and I'm not sure why, except that no one wants anything to do with you when you are down...only when you can make them laugh, listen to them, or help them out. It feels like everything is a lie. Every word I hear in my real life sounds like a fucking lie.

I'm in trouble. Don't know what to do. Going to just take it minute by minute. I'm at the point where I'm hoping I don't wake up tomorrow. I'm praying for that. Too much has happened in the last month.