Loss, lies, confliction, confusion, fakeness, struggles, hardship...

[LuckyCharms]

13. NNadir...

The thing is...I've spent my life doing things that I thought were impossible. and I've taken pride in my accomplishments.

I'm guessing that my male friends have left because they are more fucked up than I am. Good people, smart people, both lost their high paying jobs...mental illness and addicts. Both of these individuals cut all of their friends out of their lives, including me. I'm taking it personally.

A friend of 41 years contacted me out of the blue a few weeks ago. We hadn't seen each other face to face for about 6 years. He reached out...he kept texting me over and over until I called him. He has a very serious health problem and likely won't survive. I told him I will go to the hospital with him when the time comes, and not leave his side.

Loss after loss after loss...can't talk to my spouse too much about it. I can't bring her down with me.

8 day recent hospital stay and the problem is recurring and unresolved.

Eye injections that make words and letters look like a tic tac toe game. The jury is out on whether I will go blind from this.

And the only people I can talk to are on here...so I type.

Also lost a friend for reasons that I can't put into words because I don't understand it at all.

I'm outgoing and dependable and I make people laugh...and everyone is all gone all of a sudden.

Lost my brother to Covid in 2021 and I can't resolve my grief.

DU is a blessing...but in real life? No one fucking cares. It's a bitter pill.