I dreamed that I died.

[LuckyCharms]

16. Let's see...

I'll just type out some random thoughts here...

The death was sudden after the flash, and I was somehow happy, like I was going to heaven or something, to see the people I've lost.

I was talking to my neighbor the other day. He's had a bad time of it. He almost died. He was in the ICU for awhile. I'm not sure if he coded in the hospital, or what happened...he was vague. He's home now, but he's not in good shape. While talking to him, he grabbed my arm and said "Don't be afraid of dying. It's beautiful". His comments have been on my mind since we spoke. So part of the dream may be related to that.

While I was trying to grip the inside of the gutter, I thought "I hope there's no bats sleeping in there".

I sleep in a recliner upstairs because of a bad back. My wife sleeps in the king bed downstairs. She goes to sleep earlier than I do, but we have a ritual that when she goes to bed, I go and lay on the bed with her and the dog, and we both pet the dog to sleep. Then, I try to get out of the bed, but because of my back, it's difficult. I have to kick my legs like crazy to get momentum to get out of bed. This is maybe why I dreamed about kicking my legs to get to the ladder.

There's a mirror on the dresser, and I can see myself as I get out of the bed. I looked at myself in the mirror, and for some reason, I had a thought that I wasn't long for this world. I told my wife "Jesus Christ, how did we get so fucking old". She said "You're still handsome, you're still strong...look at your hands, look at your arms...you're still strong". I'm thinking that her comments related to me trying to grip the gutter, and also kicking my legs to try to get to the ladder.

My sibling's face repulsed me in the dream. It's a very long story, but I was deserted by two of my siblings after my mother died. They left the care taking arrangements to me for years before she passed, and they dissed her relentlessly after she died. I had a lovely relationship with my mom...and their lack of kindness toward her, and the disrespect after she died, is what caused the estrangement. In my dream I was thinking "It's too fucking late to apologize to me, and maybe you should say a prayer for your mother".

The most intense part of the dream was actually me asking about the blanket. I somehow wanted to make sure that I was kept warm.

I don't know what the bruise on the neck was about. But as far as the hit on the head, my primary care is constantly admonishing me...if you ever fall, make sure you try to protect your head because you are on blood thinners and you could get a brain bleed. So maybe that's why I asked about my head.

That's all I got!