Home Alone, Updated for the Age of Surveillance -- McSweeney's [View all]

[erronis]

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/home-alone-updated-for-the-age-of-surveillance
Spencer Hyde

Kate McCallister realizes that her son Kevin didn’t make it with them to the airport on their way to Paris for the holidays. She frantically pulls out her phone and calls him up.

Long conversation about fears of being home alone and very remote parenting via tech.

MOM: I’m so sorry you’re home alone! Your sister accidentally took your jacket that had your AirTag in the pocket, and we were too busy listening to Audible to notice you were missing.

KEVIN: I feel so alone!

MOM: I know, sweetie! We just got to the airport, but we can catch a later flight. We might not get Delta One, alas, but that’s okay. Motion sensors say you’re in my bedroom.

KEVIN: I’m hiding under your bed.

MOM: Your Oura Ring shows your heart rate is elevated. Don’t worry—I just turned on the radiant heat in the floors. Grab the weighted blanket, and you’ll warm up. I’ll raise the temp on the Nest and have Alexa play some calming music while we call an Uber back to the house.

. . .