I don't know if this is the right forum

[Bettie]

19. Everyone at the ER and in the hospital

told me I was lucky, that my son being 100% unharmed (physically, he's feeling a lot of guilt and will likely need counselling) and me not having anything broken. The doctors were shocked that the pneumothorax resolved overnight...so I know from the intellect side that I am lucky.

From the living in my body side, I don't feel all that lucky right now, but it's coming.

This afternoon, I started talking to myself. Reminding myself that getting up requires a few seconds of pain as my hips engage and then, I can easily pull myself to standing by engaging my core. When I'm crying (for the millionth time in the day) I say "this is not permanent, you can do anything for a little while. If it helps, good, if not, no harm done, right?

My resolve to get back to my weight lifting routine is strong too....the only reason I can move is because I did lots of squats and other lifting. I have strong legs and core, even though I'm fat.

And I treasure DU because there is always someone here to listen, it makes up for not having a lot of local friends and my tendency to not reach out to local people because I worry about bugging them or seeming needy. I know that almost everyone here honestly cares about the others here.

It will take time. I am terrible at patience, and yet, the universe keeps trying to teach it to me.