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my grandmother tried to tell me for years ... she had a good handle on the negative/narcissist person my mother had become. I was able to keep my distance pretty well by moving away, but it took a long time before I really listened and stopped feeling guilty. If you are in a funk and think you might just send them a birthday check or something - write it out to a local charitable organization that will be grateful and use the money to help someone who really needs it. Deb, you are a nice person, and you are worthy of being loved. Please focus on you and Rich in the coming new year! 
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