I don't know what to do.

[Laurelin]

86. Trauma and reliving trauma

My parents disappeared when I was 14. You think you coped with it all but when life gets really difficult the early grief can blindside you again. Get help if you need it, lean on the people who love you (here too) and be kind to yourself while you ride the wave again. As they say, this too shall pass.

I've euthanized more dogs and cats than I want to count (my pets, not other people's pets during the years I worked for vets). I'm honestly glad that people now recognize how great that grief is; when I was young most people said stupid things like, she was just a dog, or a cat. (Come to think of it i heard a lot of "snap out of it" when my parents disappeared. To be fair there aren't really good words to comfort people when they are dealing with tragedy. ) None of my dogs made it to 15, so you were an amazing dog parent if that's comforting.

Sometimes after I let them go, I feel like I catch glimpses of them, frolicking, out of pain, happy. It helps, but they are still not where you can cuddle them. I always deal with the loss by getting a new dog or cat to love but that doesn't work for everyone.
The Dutch expression is "sterkte." I'm wishing you strength, luck and comfort.