I don't know what to do.

[WhiteTara]

96. Lucky, You are absolutely

Brave and courageous by allowing yourself to be vulnerable. You are the opposite of being weak. I'm grateful that I know you. I think you did know that life is suffering, and you chose it anyway. That's another act of your courage and compassion. I also think your wife would be grateful when you show your vulnerability as well. You give her a chance to be strong for you and everyone wants to be there for the one they love.

My beloved dog, Tashi died last July, and I'm still a mess. She died at home because I couldn't bring myself to take her to a cold sterile room after a traumatic car ride. I fed her pain pills and muscle relaxers and held her and sang to her, and we hugged each other. I took her to be cremated, and I felt the fire start that took her body to ashes. She came to me one day and told me she had found her family of big dogs and I haven't seen her since.

There is a Buddhist tradition that says for 49 days, we live in the Bardo and so we say prayers for a more fortunate life for our loved one. Somehow it is a comfort. I think both for our loved one and ourselves. Om Mani Padme Hum (Behold the jewel in the lotus)

I'll miss your presence here, but I know that real life is truly being present. My arms are around you through the ether. You are an incredible human being and I feel lucky to know you.