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kurtzapril4

(1,353 posts)

39. I found an ass!

Reply to rrneck (Reply #37)

Sun Dec 23, 2012, 01:38 PM

Dec 2012

That doesn't belong to anybody. It just showed up in the living room on the couch Could it be yours?

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9-1-1. What is your emergency? [View all] ohiosmith Dec 2012 OP

Please state the nature of the medical emergency. pokerfan Dec 2012 #1

I can't this rubber ball suit off. geardaddy Dec 2012 #2

Well,.......have a Goodyear! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #6

Haha! geardaddy Dec 2012 #16

mrr-mrr-mgg-nnn-nnnnnn-mmrrr-nnrrr-mmmmrrrrr!!! TrogL Dec 2012 #3

Please call back and press 3 for gibberish! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #7

Is that for generic or authentic frontier gibberish? bluesbassman Dec 2012 #12

Generic press 3, western,.....hang up!.... wait ten minutes and don't call back. ohiosmith Dec 2012 #14

Kenny? BlancheSplanchnik Dec 2012 #60

I'm out of whiskey and I'm too drunk to drive. Incitatus Dec 2012 #4

Have some vodka! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #8

Just get here quick! LeftofObama Dec 2012 #5

Go up on the roof! A helicopter is on the way. Disrobe completely! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #10

I've fallen and I can't get up. trof Dec 2012 #9

You sound like the guy on my block that called me a selfish bitch and said I should fuck off! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #11

I'm the guy. trof Dec 2012 #13

Click! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #15

"Yeah, I'm at Burger King, and they're refusing to make it 'my way'. Can you help?" Aristus Dec 2012 #17

Shown them your gun. That'll convince them. ohiosmith Dec 2012 #18

Yeah, if you try ordering a whopper made from Kobe beef, they get all upset. Liberal Veteran Dec 2012 #23

I read this in GD and I'm more confused. antiquie Dec 2012 #19

Have a drink! It will all make sense! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #20

I've gotta fever of a 105! whistler162 Dec 2012 #21

Well aren't you special! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #26

measured orally or rectally? Major Nikon Dec 2012 #41

You really should do both, but be careful about the order. Kennah Dec 2012 #64

I've heard the only difference between the two thermometers is the taste Major Nikon Dec 2012 #66

And feel. You just never forget what saliva feels like up your asshole. Kennah Dec 2012 #86

I want to eat some fish sticks, but ran out of tartar sauce. Liberal Veteran Dec 2012 #22

Solution: Brigid Dec 2012 #24

Order a pizza! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #27

My tarp blew away. In_The_Wind Dec 2012 #25

Not to worry! Someone stole it! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #28

I needed your blue tarp for a shower curtain. Grantuspeace Dec 2012 #33

How will I keep the electronics dry? In_The_Wind Dec 2012 #34

I lost my puppy! many a good man Dec 2012 #29

You may have to put its memory behind you! Perhaps a lap dog next time! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #30

Dude, that is just wrong. Brigid Dec 2012 #81

Someone stole my heart. RedCloud Dec 2012 #31

No! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #32

I scratched my nuts, but now they're itchy again. Kennah Dec 2012 #35

Try dynamite? Frosty1 Dec 2012 #38

Tried that but the fuse created a burning sensation. Kennah Dec 2012 #61

Please hold while I transfer you to the CDC! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #45

Heeeeey, wait a minute... pinboy3niner Dec 2012 #36

Is no Peggy,....he,....she take it break! Click! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #46

I can't find my ass. rrneck Dec 2012 #37

I found an ass! kurtzapril4 Dec 2012 #39

Probably. rrneck Dec 2012 #40

No problem. We'll take good care of it kurtzapril4 Dec 2012 #59

Just don't confuse it with a hole in the ground n/t shadowrider Dec 2012 #90

I think I've got that one. rrneck Dec 2012 #91

If you're a female,....he's at the pub drinking beer and watching football. If you're a male,...... ohiosmith Dec 2012 #48

Gah! rrneck Dec 2012 #50

Somebody on the internet is WRONG! Ptah Dec 2012 #42

Don't believe it! I'm sure someone thinks you're right! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #49

I boo-booed my middle finger and now it's stuck nt LiberalEsto Dec 2012 #43

Put the thumb on your other hand in your mouth and blow as hard as you can. ohiosmith Dec 2012 #51

I'm surrounded by republicans! Joey Liberal Dec 2012 #44

Please hold while I connect you to the CDC! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #52

What are you wearing? pinboy3niner Dec 2012 #47

For that information,......you will need a valid credit card. ohiosmith Dec 2012 #53

Oh, shit. Just my luck...I got "Peggy" again. :( pinboy3niner Dec 2012 #54

Is no Peggy,.....is,.....Betty,......please to give valid credit card number. ohiosmith Dec 2012 #56

Need directions to family planning advice clinic Bucky Dec 2012 #55

That ingress is still viable although,......you do risk fathering a republican! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #67

I have heart burn and I am lonely. littlemissmartypants Dec 2012 #57

Please provide a valid credit card and we'll send Anthony over with some Tums. ohiosmith Dec 2012 #68

Bowling pin lodged in an unusual place. NYC_SKP Dec 2012 #58

Where are your balls? Kennah Dec 2012 #62

Lodge bowling pin elsewhere pinboy3niner Dec 2012 #69

Happy birthday! NYC_SKP Dec 2012 #76

Happy Holidays, NYC_SKP! pinboy3niner Dec 2012 #79

First I burp... NYC_SKP Dec 2012 #80

I know you typed annual probe, but my mind recorded anal probe. Kennah Dec 2012 #82

Well, annual anal prostate probe, to be accurate! NYC_SKP Dec 2012 #83

Legend has it we all get smacked on the ass when we're born ... Kennah Dec 2012 #87

See post 51! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #70

My kilt isn't back from the cleaners Kennah Dec 2012 #63

Something else the rest of us can be thankful for. ohiosmith Dec 2012 #74

Except for my released Cracken Kennah Dec 2012 #85

I unleashed the Krakken krispos42 Dec 2012 #65

Releash the Kraaken! pinboy3niner Dec 2012 #71

The Kraken cannot be re-leashed krispos42 Dec 2012 #92

Next time try something decent, like Jameson pinboy3niner Dec 2012 #93

You're on your own bub! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #88

Long ago, I was pulling a solo overnight Dispensary shift on our 2200-man post on April 1st... MiddleFingerMom Dec 2012 #72

Sounds familiar... pinboy3niner Dec 2012 #73

I think almost every man has done that once... MiddleFingerMom Dec 2012 #75

Cutting the zipper below the area zipped is the most comfortable way to go siligut Dec 2012 #77

I think a bunch of dogs have hacked my DU account! Lady Freedom Returns Dec 2012 #78

Woof! Kennah Dec 2012 #84

Please hold while I transfer you to animal control. ohiosmith Dec 2012 #89

"Hello? You've reached Animal Control. This is Puggy." pinboy3niner Dec 2012 #94

I'm out of beer, can you make a beer run for me? Initech Dec 2012 #95