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Kennah

(14,578 posts)

87. Legend has it we all get smacked on the ass when we're born ...

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 02:25 AM

Dec 2012

... so it's only fair that an annual Birthday present later in life be something involving our ass.

I'm on an annual colonoscopy cycle now, after 10 years with UC, but I need to call the scheduling nurse and see about making it a Birthday present.

"It's my Birthday, doc. Gimme a hand."
"HEH! Not the WHOLE hand, dammit!"

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9-1-1. What is your emergency? [View all] ohiosmith Dec 2012 OP

Please state the nature of the medical emergency. pokerfan Dec 2012 #1

I can't this rubber ball suit off. geardaddy Dec 2012 #2

Well,.......have a Goodyear! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #6

Haha! geardaddy Dec 2012 #16

mrr-mrr-mgg-nnn-nnnnnn-mmrrr-nnrrr-mmmmrrrrr!!! TrogL Dec 2012 #3

Please call back and press 3 for gibberish! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #7

Is that for generic or authentic frontier gibberish? bluesbassman Dec 2012 #12

Generic press 3, western,.....hang up!.... wait ten minutes and don't call back. ohiosmith Dec 2012 #14

Kenny? BlancheSplanchnik Dec 2012 #60

I'm out of whiskey and I'm too drunk to drive. Incitatus Dec 2012 #4

Have some vodka! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #8

Just get here quick! LeftofObama Dec 2012 #5

Go up on the roof! A helicopter is on the way. Disrobe completely! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #10

I've fallen and I can't get up. trof Dec 2012 #9

You sound like the guy on my block that called me a selfish bitch and said I should fuck off! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #11

I'm the guy. trof Dec 2012 #13

Click! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #15

"Yeah, I'm at Burger King, and they're refusing to make it 'my way'. Can you help?" Aristus Dec 2012 #17

Shown them your gun. That'll convince them. ohiosmith Dec 2012 #18

Yeah, if you try ordering a whopper made from Kobe beef, they get all upset. Liberal Veteran Dec 2012 #23

I read this in GD and I'm more confused. antiquie Dec 2012 #19

Have a drink! It will all make sense! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #20

I've gotta fever of a 105! whistler162 Dec 2012 #21

Well aren't you special! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #26

measured orally or rectally? Major Nikon Dec 2012 #41

You really should do both, but be careful about the order. Kennah Dec 2012 #64

I've heard the only difference between the two thermometers is the taste Major Nikon Dec 2012 #66

And feel. You just never forget what saliva feels like up your asshole. Kennah Dec 2012 #86

I want to eat some fish sticks, but ran out of tartar sauce. Liberal Veteran Dec 2012 #22

Solution: Brigid Dec 2012 #24

Order a pizza! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #27

My tarp blew away. In_The_Wind Dec 2012 #25

Not to worry! Someone stole it! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #28

I needed your blue tarp for a shower curtain. Grantuspeace Dec 2012 #33

How will I keep the electronics dry? In_The_Wind Dec 2012 #34

I lost my puppy! many a good man Dec 2012 #29

You may have to put its memory behind you! Perhaps a lap dog next time! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #30

Dude, that is just wrong. Brigid Dec 2012 #81

Someone stole my heart. RedCloud Dec 2012 #31

No! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #32

I scratched my nuts, but now they're itchy again. Kennah Dec 2012 #35

Try dynamite? Frosty1 Dec 2012 #38

Tried that but the fuse created a burning sensation. Kennah Dec 2012 #61

Please hold while I transfer you to the CDC! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #45

Heeeeey, wait a minute... pinboy3niner Dec 2012 #36

Is no Peggy,....he,....she take it break! Click! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #46

I can't find my ass. rrneck Dec 2012 #37

I found an ass! kurtzapril4 Dec 2012 #39

Probably. rrneck Dec 2012 #40

No problem. We'll take good care of it kurtzapril4 Dec 2012 #59

Just don't confuse it with a hole in the ground n/t shadowrider Dec 2012 #90

I think I've got that one. rrneck Dec 2012 #91

If you're a female,....he's at the pub drinking beer and watching football. If you're a male,...... ohiosmith Dec 2012 #48

Gah! rrneck Dec 2012 #50

Somebody on the internet is WRONG! Ptah Dec 2012 #42

Don't believe it! I'm sure someone thinks you're right! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #49

I boo-booed my middle finger and now it's stuck nt LiberalEsto Dec 2012 #43

Put the thumb on your other hand in your mouth and blow as hard as you can. ohiosmith Dec 2012 #51

I'm surrounded by republicans! Joey Liberal Dec 2012 #44

Please hold while I connect you to the CDC! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #52

What are you wearing? pinboy3niner Dec 2012 #47

For that information,......you will need a valid credit card. ohiosmith Dec 2012 #53

Oh, shit. Just my luck...I got "Peggy" again. :( pinboy3niner Dec 2012 #54

Is no Peggy,.....is,.....Betty,......please to give valid credit card number. ohiosmith Dec 2012 #56

Need directions to family planning advice clinic Bucky Dec 2012 #55

That ingress is still viable although,......you do risk fathering a republican! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #67

I have heart burn and I am lonely. littlemissmartypants Dec 2012 #57

Please provide a valid credit card and we'll send Anthony over with some Tums. ohiosmith Dec 2012 #68

Bowling pin lodged in an unusual place. NYC_SKP Dec 2012 #58

Where are your balls? Kennah Dec 2012 #62

Lodge bowling pin elsewhere pinboy3niner Dec 2012 #69

Happy birthday! NYC_SKP Dec 2012 #76

Happy Holidays, NYC_SKP! pinboy3niner Dec 2012 #79

First I burp... NYC_SKP Dec 2012 #80

I know you typed annual probe, but my mind recorded anal probe. Kennah Dec 2012 #82

Well, annual anal prostate probe, to be accurate! NYC_SKP Dec 2012 #83

Legend has it we all get smacked on the ass when we're born ... Kennah Dec 2012 #87

See post 51! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #70

My kilt isn't back from the cleaners Kennah Dec 2012 #63

Something else the rest of us can be thankful for. ohiosmith Dec 2012 #74

Except for my released Cracken Kennah Dec 2012 #85

I unleashed the Krakken krispos42 Dec 2012 #65

Releash the Kraaken! pinboy3niner Dec 2012 #71

The Kraken cannot be re-leashed krispos42 Dec 2012 #92

Next time try something decent, like Jameson pinboy3niner Dec 2012 #93

You're on your own bub! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #88

Long ago, I was pulling a solo overnight Dispensary shift on our 2200-man post on April 1st... MiddleFingerMom Dec 2012 #72

Sounds familiar... pinboy3niner Dec 2012 #73

I think almost every man has done that once... MiddleFingerMom Dec 2012 #75

Cutting the zipper below the area zipped is the most comfortable way to go siligut Dec 2012 #77

I think a bunch of dogs have hacked my DU account! Lady Freedom Returns Dec 2012 #78

Woof! Kennah Dec 2012 #84

Please hold while I transfer you to animal control. ohiosmith Dec 2012 #89

"Hello? You've reached Animal Control. This is Puggy." pinboy3niner Dec 2012 #94

I'm out of beer, can you make a beer run for me? Initech Dec 2012 #95