Things your parents accused you of that were not true. When I was in my early 20s

[hunter]

24. Accusations had zero currency in our family.

There was too much crazy in our family for accusations to float.

It didn't help that one of my grandma's was insane. Her accusations were so gravely presented and utterly absurd they made any and every accusation sound absurd.

This attitude has gotten everyone in our family in trouble at times. Our first reaction to any accusation is to smirk and stifle giggles. Teachers, cops, judges... you can see how that goes. We laugh at the Voice of Authority if it's contrary to our own reality. Unfortunately some of our realities are, um, a little wide of the norm.

I can remember only one accusation by my parents that I was a little miffed by -- that was when my dad accused me of making a particular hole in my bedroom wall, a room I shared with siblings. Of course I'd made quite a few holes in the walls, but this hole was made by a mouse. I'd listened to the damned creature inside the wall chewing and chewing every night. Finally it got through, making the passage into the house it wanted.

I insisted to my dad that I hadn't made this hole in the wall. As kids we were required to patch any holes we made in the wall, a skill that served me well later as a handyman for student housing. I told him about the mouse, and I wanted him to inspect the hole and see the little mouse teeth marks. But he was having none of it; I had to patch the hole. But the perversity of the accusation had zero effect on my psyche. I patched the hole. Shortly after one of the cats got that mouse, which would sometimes scamper across my bed at night, and left part of it there on the bed as an offering.

In middle school I had a teacher who'd sternly lecture misbehaving students out in the hallway. My usual response to these sorts of encounters was to run away, especially if the lecture was dragging on. This teacher's tone in particular reminded me of my grandma, so I couldn't stop smirking. He could tell I was about to run away so he grabbed my arm. Nevertheless I twisted free and made my escape... which is why I spent quite a bit of time in the school office, quietly doing my schoolwork, watching flies on the window, whatever... They'd rarely call my mom when I got in trouble because they were scared of her.