Interpreting online dating profiles

[Lydia Leftcoast]

16. The biggest turn-offs for me are (and these are actual lines I've seen)

1) "Knows how to treat a lady"--Do you know any other clichés?

2) "I like candlelight dinners."---I'm not looking for Hyacinth Bucket.

3) "I'm open, honest, and sincere."--That invariably means that you're not.

4) "I like perky redheads, dress size 6 to 8." ---That's what your ex, who you're still mooning over, looks like, right?"

5) "College graduate, homeowner."--Yeah, so you majored in business and bought a house. You work, and then you come home and watch reality shows. Boring!

6) "I'm angry at the Republicans...(insert two paragraphs of political rant)"-- This isn't an anti-war rally. There should be more to you than your politics.

7) "Financially secure man, age x, seeks attractive woman, age up to x-20."--In other words, you're thinking, "Oh my God, I forgot to have children!" or "I'm going to make sure that I have a live-in nursemaid when I'm old."

8) "Shy, lonely."--Get some coaching in social skills from your platonic female friends. If you don't have any platonic female friends, that's part of your problem.