"I'm depressed and literally feel sick about this and it's effected how I treat my husband. I've tried telling him it's not his fault but he obviously blames himself. It's me I'm having trouble with, not him. How do I reconcile my sudden glee of seeing another human being suffer with a morality that tells me that desiring harm is so absolutely wrong?"
Going forward, I think you and your husband - and probably your BF - need to deal with. Whether you can do it just by talking it out with each other or if you need to talk to a third party, I really think this part of your conflict needs to be confronted so that it does not fester.
You have a good man and a good relationship with him. You do NOT want this episode to sour that relationship. You also should not let your guilt over your natural glee at seeing bullies dealt with harm your own self worth.
I don't know you so I can't make specific recommendations. I know when my hubby and I had a problem, we went to a counselor for a while. She was not really a marriage counselor, but she helped us through the resolution of a rough patch. That was a little over 20 years ago and we'll be celebrating our 37th anniversary of being a couple on Valentine's Day, so I guess it helped. (Our 35th wedding anniversary is coming up in July, but that date is not as important to us as when we realized we were right for each other.)
There are various agencies, groups, etc. that have counselors and assistance available - take advantage of that help.
to you and to your husband. Thank him for standing up for your BF.
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