I apologize for the evil I have unleashed upon the world. [View all]

[Wait Wut]

My son posted this in response to my post calling him and my husband grinches.

Santa is an un-healthy criminal! Breaks into yer house and steals milk and cookies, and then leaves either gifts or coal dependent on your behavior for the year, like its ok to break into someone's home at night while they sleep, steal shit but leave something in it's stead! Then all those milk and cookies he eats has got to be makin him diabetic after all these years! Only a matter of time before the fat jolly bastard loses a foot! And why should the poor kids that hadn't been raised right get coal!? Its not their fault they dont know better! How about getting the parents audited by the irs!? Fitting punishment for bad parenting i think!

I'm so sorry.
In my defense, he did spend 9 years in the Marine Corps, so they're partially to blame.

Dear Santa, if you're reading this, he really is a good kid. He's an amazing husband and the best son anyone could ask for. He apparently just thinks your way of doing things is suspect. Oh, and that you should go on a diet.