What kind of beans

[deucemagnet]

59. No science nerd answer yet? Allow me.

We get gas when we consume foods containing high amounts of sugars and starches with alpha galactosyl linkages. We do not have the necessary enzymes to fully digest these sugars. The bacteria residing in our guts, however, do, and produce gas in the process.

So we need to find the foods that contain the highest content of these indigestible sugars. The most common is the trisaccharide raffinose, (with stachyose also contributing to the gassy mix). I found an article from a science journal here that lists the content of these sugars in mg/g. I think you should probably stick to the foods with the highest raffinose content to get the most bang for the buck, so to speak. So, according to the article, alfalfa (13.5 mg/g), and soybeans(12.6 mg/g) are your best bet. The common garden pea also makes an impressive showing at 11.6 mg of raffinose per gram.

But, if you really want to take your passive-aggressive flatulence to the next level, the way to do that is with cottonseed flour, which contains a whopping 69.1 mg of raffinose per gram. According to a quick google search, cottonseed meal is used primarily for livestock feed and fertilizer, so it's probably not a good idea to eat the stuff, aside from the fact that you might 'splode.

Also, I promise from this day forward that I will never use science for evil again.