Is AA a legitimate group? I went to one meeting and something just didn't seem or feel right.

[pablo_marmol]

49. I am your disease.

I hate meetings. I hate anyone who has a program of recovery. To all who come in contact with me, I wish you death and I wish you suffering.

 Allow me to introduce myself. I am the disease of addiction. I am cunning, baffling, and powerful. I have killed millions and I am pleased.

I love to catch you with the element of surprise. I love pretending I am your friend and your lover. I have given you comfort, have I not? Wasn't I there when you were lonely? When you wanted to die? Wasn't I there when you called on me? 

I love to make you hurt. I love to make you cry. Better yet, I love to make you so numb you can neither hurt or cry! You feel nothing at all! This gives me true glory.

I give you instant gratification and all I ask of you in return is long term suffering. I have been there for you always. When things were going right in your life, you invited me. You said you didn't deserve such things and I was the only one that agreed with you. Together, we were able to destroy all the good things in your life. 

People don’t take me seriously. They take heart attacks, strokes and cancer seriously. Fools that they are, little do they know that without my help, some of these things would not take place! I am such a hated disease, yet HAVE I EVER COME UNINVITED? You invite me in.

So many have chosen me over reality and peace.

 More than you hate me, I hate all of you who believe in a twelve step program. Your program, your meetings - they weaken me and I can not function in the manner I am accustomed to.

 Now I must lie here quietly. You don't see me, but I am growing bigger than ever. When you only exist - I MAY LIVE - but when you LIVE - I only exist. Either way, I am here quietly waiting for you to forget about the power I have over you. 

Until we meet again, if we meet again, I wish you suffering and death. Death physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It's all death to me. No matter what you choose to call me, I AM your worst enemy.

(To anyone who has problems seeing addiction as a disease - no problem. Substituting the word phenomenon changes the message not one bit.)

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On the rare occasions when people ask me what AA is like, I tell them that it's a program designed to help people stay clean and sober through personal growth - which takes place via self-examination/confrontation in a loving and supportive environment. The object is not simply to "put the plug in the jug", but rather to develop new ways of thinking (positive!) that fortify sober living rather than the skewed thinking that leads us to attempt escape.

As you are a Christian, Arnold, you should have no problem finding meetings that feel right. As others have alluded to, different meetings have different cultures. I went to my Agnostics/Atheists meeting this morning and was asked to lead. It was a very productive meeting for me, as my topic dealt mostly with the fact that I've been retreating into isolation lately. (Which is one reason I recently joined DU!)

My advice would be to stick with it. With slightly over 27 years clean and sober I still go for the wisdom and reminders I get at meetings.