The DU Lounge
In reply to the discussion: How do I bring topic up to wife without sounding sexist? [View all]DebJ
(7,699 posts)As other posters said, it could be depression. I went back to college from 2006-2008 for 5 semesters,
to get a teaching degree, just in time for Pennsylvania to lay off 20,000. It didn't take long to realize
that I wasn't ever going to be able to teach now. I was 53 by the time life afforded me the chance to
get that degree and teach; I had wanted that my entire life. All I was given was the opportunity to
long-term sub for one year, and then the massive layoffs began and continued for three years. Some
areas that didn't do layoffs back then are NOW doing it, having used up their own rainy-day funds.
I was in deep mourning for quite a few months. I had no motivation to do anything. I'm over that now,
but somedays the cabin fever gets to me instead, and I have to fight myself to do anything. (I totaled
my car last summer so now I'm really trapped since this country doesn't believe in public transportation.)
BUT, when I clearly know that it is something that is important to my husband, something that makes
HIS day brighter, well, then doing at least THAT makes MY day brighter, too. And once I get moving,
it's easier to keep moving.
And as other posters also said, different people are comfortable with different levels of OCD-clean or
utter chaos. My husband likes to have piles and piles of stuff everywhere. I ask him nicely to please
put thus-and-so away, only to find that for weeks on end he adds to the piles of stuff around his chair,
on his table, on the dining room table, on the floor. So I give him warning: you've got x amount of
time or I am moving it because I can't stand it. And then, I move it all to his hobby area. He was furious
the first few times I did it. I explained it to him this way: we BOTH live here. I have accomodated you
by allowing you to have 'x' weeks of complete clutter. Now I can't stand it anymore, and it is MY turn
to have 'x' weeks clutter-free. He doesn't complain anymore and he even actually moves SOME of his
stuff...but never all of it, because he piles it so deep. I think he's agoraphobic and I know I am claustrophobic...
plus I'm the one trying to dust and vacuum around his stacks of books and hobby crap. So, we take turns.
Every person is different, every couple is different. To just blatantly say they don't care is not right at all.,