Diagramming opening Sentences of Classics

[tblue37]

51. I am a grammar guru and a diagramming expert. Some years ago a man who regularly visits

my grammar and usage website emailed to tell me that he is a long-haul truck driver who diagrams sentences to pass time at truck stops and when he has to stay overnight somewhere. He told me he was having trouble diagramming the Sixteenth Amendment, so he asked me if I would diagram for him.

I did so and sent him the nicest diagram I could produce. I am a scribbler and not particularly neat when I draw diagrams, but I used a straight-edge and drew this one repeatedly until I made it as pretty as I could, then traced it in black ink on another sheet of plain printer paper.

He wrote back to thank me and tell me that he had framed the diagram and hung it in his office. He also sent a little gift along with the note. His wife's job had something to do with specialty paper manufacturing, so he sent me a fairly large box filled with a variety of lovely specialty papers!

Almost anyone would be charmed by such a gift, I think--but for me, that gift went way beyond merely sweet. I have a weird obsession with different kinds of paper and writing implements. I actually go into office supply stores to "pet" the nice paper, pens, and pencils. When I opened that box of paper, I squealed like a kid on Christmas morning!

When I was a kid, we all learned to diagram sentences--and most of us got a kick out of doing so. I wish they still taught diagramming. Unfortunately, most schools don't now, and the few that do often don't do a particularly good job of it. When it is taught well it is really not that hard--and most people actually find it amusing. I know, because I teach diagramming to a lot of people, and everyone I have taught it to have enjoyed diagramming sentences and have become quite good at it.

I teach college English, but I also often tutor at all levels, from grade school through middle school, high school, and college. All my tutoring students learn to diagram sentences, not because they will ever be called on to do it themselves, but because when I am correcting their grammar and usage, I can use diagrams to show them where and why their sentences break down. Because of their practice in diagramming, though, all of my young tutoring students end up getting high scores on the grammar section of the SAT and ACT tests.

Since parents from certain cultures are more focused than a lot of American parents on making sure their kids do exceptionally well in school (meaning they learn, not just that they make high grades), those parents are willing to pay a decent fee for a good tutor. That is why so many of my tutoring students are Chinese, Korean, and Indian (i.e., from India).* It is always a delightful surprise for these parents when their kids end up scoring as well in English grammar as they do in math, which is usually their strongest subject.

*NOTE: I do tutor American students sometimes, and occasionally one of them will be a good student whose parents are willing to pay a tutor to help the student achieve even more academic success. But most of my American tutoring clients come to me only after having done so poorly in college that they have either flunked out or are on academic probation.

If they have already flunked out, my job is to help them get high enough grades in community college courses to enable them to return to the university; if they are on probation, then my job is to help them pull their GPA up to a level that will get them off probation. It has always bothered me that so many American parents are willing to pay high fees to athletic trainers to help their kids become star athletes in youth leagues or on school teams, but they usually are not willing to pay for a tutor, or if they do have to pay for tutoring, they usually can't wrap their minds around the idea of paying a decent fee for academic tutoring.