A little thing for many but a big one for me! [View all]

[Liberalynn]

Trying to rebuild self confidence at 54 that was shaky at best since age 5 isn't easy but I'm trying. This is why I am going to give myself a pat on the back publicly.

When I was younger there were several relatively minor incidents that led me to dread not only the thought of driving in cars but riding in them period. For a long time I would huddle in the rider's seat or backseat reading to distract myself or closing my eyes just praying for the ride to be over. I could never quite fully enjoy myself at family functions, events, or shopping because I would always imagine horrible wreck on the way home. It took me a long time to get over that and I still have to fight not to regress.

The thought of driving as you can imagine was even worse. I used every excuse imaginable not to take driver's education at 16. Then I just came clean to my parents how truly terrified I was and they quit forcing the issue.

Then when I was 32, it was suggested by a new Primary Care doctor that I had pretty bad cases of anxiety and depression and that I needed to seek psychiatric counseling. I followed his advice. The therapist he sent me too got me through the riding issue and she was unrelenting on the driving subject. I finally signed up and took professional lessons and got my license. To be honest I haven't used it much just to get myself to doctor's appointments.

This winter I was using the weather as an excuse to even chicken out of that. That and the antihistamines that I have to take for hives. But I realized that has to stop. There is very poor bus service here and the cost of taxi is pretty high.

So I told myself today I was going to force myself to drive to the grocery store today to pick up some items that I needed instead of waiting for the weekend when my sister normally takes me. I bought myself a submarine sandwich and a big gooey chocolate chip cookie as a reward.

I'm not going to lie I was still nervous as hell but I did it and that's what counts! So yay me !