"A European view of the typical American breakfast?" NO way. What's wrong with this picture?

[sarge43]

101. Jersey has many fine diners, but New England is their home.

Early morning in December, light snow falling (Flatlanders would call it a snow storm). The only light on in Peabody (pronounced PEBadee) is at the Sunshine Diner on Main Street. It's the only street; everything else are roads (pronounced ruds). All the road crews, Peabody's one cop and the Selectmen tank up there first thing.

Big Abby Avery, waitress, former Marine Corps DI and common law wife of Booger Sanborne, town drunk and all around asshole, serves up blacker than the heart of darkness coffee that in more urbane setting would be banned by the EPA or at least illegal in five states.

Because it will be a typical day of rooster tailing snow into freshly shoveled driveways and knocking down mail boxes, the crews tuck in a light breakfast of three eggs, just keep the bacon comin', three slices of toast, slack of pancakes, hash browns and Marie's freshly baked bear claws.

As the Selectmen, Jake, Abel and Noah, have town business to discuss (business is never discussed at the town hall) they settle for loaded omelettes, sausage and bear claw. They're worried that Old Mrs Thornton will cause trouble at the next town meetin' about the proposal to tear down the ice house that her great-great-great-great grandfather built in 1774. Benedict Arnold was supposed to have taken a leak against it.

The cop, Jimmy Rasnowski (he's from outta state), has his standard oatmeal and tea. After that encounter with the moose and the surgery, Jimmy is eating like a Flatlander, worse - some fool from California. Abel will rag on him on that if his gut gets any flatter they may have to fire him. "We got our town image to think of, Raz."

Jimmy informs Abby that Booger's in the tank again. "Good. Keep his ass there."

New Jersey diners may have the Sopranos; New England's have Noah, Raz and Abby.