What would you do? (marital 'infidelity'?)

[OmahaBlueDog]

65. I'm going to give you advice, and it will not be popular

STAY THE HELL OUT OF IT.

In telling your friend to get a lawyer, you've probably done what you thought was right, but if the couple does patch things up, that may bite you in the ass later. The implication is that you think he should blow up the marriage. Suppose he doesn't? Suppose they go to counseling and patch things up (it happens)? Suppose he decides to just ride it out (it happens)? Will there always be an implied lack of respect between you because he didn't take your advice?

He is just devastated and I think she's a jerk.
'No sex' with this 'feelings' guy?
Yeah, right.
Pull the other one.

Really? You know this? You've gathered evidence? Unless you're a private eye, you most likely are speculating. Really, I'm not trying to pick on you - we all look at situations and put 2 and 2 together. You may be right. Hell - you're probably right. Here's the thing - you may be wrong. In any event, your friend needs to sort that out. Lots of couples deal with infidelity; some recover, some don't.

Also, the way you present it, you have only heard one side of the story. Maybe she has a POV that is different than his? Just saying.

She earns big bucks and he lost his job last year (mortgage business).
They decided he would be a stay-at-home dad while she was the 'breadwinner'.
It really made sense, and they both seemed to be OK with that.

There's a whole lot of dynamics that can be in play with that one. Sexual politics. Workplace politics. Financial politics. I wouldn't touch it beyond nodding and listening. If pressed for advice, I'd lay out the choices (counselor/lawyer/ride it out), but would be vague on what I'd do -- because I'm not in his shoes; I don't know what he might have done at other points in the marriage to screw things up; I don't really know what's best for the kids.

I'd be a shoulder to cry on, and I'd be ready to offer a couch to sleep on if things go south. I would only intervene with direct advice in these circumstances: If he's talking suicide, have him seek out a counselor immediately, or better yet, drive him over to one. Also, if he does go the divorce route, and he does not get an attorney (I had a friend do this), tell him at that point he's committing financial suicide. If he's turning to excessive drink or drugs, attend Alanon and see if an intervention can be arranged. Go to the AA meetings with him if you have to.