What would you do? (marital 'infidelity'?)

[Carolina]

77. Very sad all around

I really feel for this guy.

The story is classic, happens every day and NOT necessarily because of problems in the marriage: it's the work flirtation.

Picture it: a person gets up, gets dressed in the nice business attire, puts on the good front/behavior and heads off to work refreshed (at least more so than at the end of the day). At work, there are others who may appear similarly at their best, or at least their better selves.

Then that same person comes home tired, changes into comfort clothes, may want some down time alone when s/he doesn't have to be "on"...

Now, throw in this mix of facts that fuel the infidelity fire:
1. like it or not, women still expect the man to work, and a man with a good job is very "attractive" even when he is physically otherwise

2. there many nubile, young women in the work place, some of whom may actively pursue the security of the employed, older man; meanwhile, the older man may be flattered by the attention

3. there is no longer any stigma surrounding extramarital affairs (unlike my youth and young adulthood), and commitment is a thing of the past. Not that I'm saying people should stay in a marriage rife with abuse (be it substance, physical, verbal, emotional) but the "I'm not happy therefore I'm searching, trying to work on my feelings" excuse is CRAP.

Marriage is a choice made out of love and commitment. Yet, nowadays, too many people make the choice to walk away simply because the grass looks greener elsewhere. This man finds himself in the vulnerable position of many woman -- "unemployed" though working full time as homemaker and child care provider. His wife's work 'flirtation' is not only emotionally demoralizing and overwhelming, but it also threatens absolutely everything about his life. That is devastation as much as a flood or fire. So, he's not a doormat to flounder, and rashly running to lawyers opens a costly can of worms, starting with a hefty retainer followed by billable hours that benefit the lawyers no matter the outcome!

I always hope for the restoration of the family when there is no abuse (as itemized above). Wish I had better advice about this very sad, and sadly common, situation. Be there for him. At such times friends can be truly life saving.