What would you do? (marital 'infidelity'?)

[Major Nikon]

111. There's a lot of new information regarding what makes for good relationships

Many of the long held beliefs, even those held by professionals, is just wrong. Many believe that you just have to communicate each others needs in order to have a good relationship. The reality is it's not just communication, but how you communicate that matters. Many used to believe if you argue all the time you are destined for divorce, but this is not necessarily true. Many couples that argue often live in very productive relationships. My grandparents bickered all the time, but they stayed married for over 50 years and they had a great marriage. The key was they knew when to stop bickering and they knew how to deflect each other before things got too heated. They also knew how to resolve most of their conflicts (mostly because I think one or the other knew when it wasn't worth it to keep pushing). If one or both parties get into the mindset that they have to win all arguments, this is a sign of trouble. Much of it also has to do with the way in which you speak to each other and how they manage their emotions. If you treat your SO with contempt or both sides behave this way, the relationship is in trouble. The same is very much true for children. If you treat them with contempt, that's what they learn, and they are probably going to start giving it back to you at some point. It's like the father that shot holes in his daughter's laptop. He had a tremendous amount of contempt for her. It's pretty easy to see where they went wrong if you know where to look. It's also just not true that when a relationship gets to the point of cheating that it's always over. Couples can and do resolve these things all the time, but they have to know how to attack their actual problems, and not just the symptoms. Unless you plan on living as a hermit, it behooves everyone to learn how to treat each other in their relationships. If you do it the right way, happiness and contentment follow. If you do things wrong, you're destined for pain and misery.

It's amazing how much you can improve your relationships by practicing these things. It even works with animals. The movie The Horse Whisperer, was based on a real guy that learned how to train horses without using contempt. When those same principles were applied to people, amazing things happen. It works with friends, it works with employees, it works with relatives.