I've got a couple of friends who are pretty fucked up right now. [View all]

[Tobin S.]

I've known these guys since the eighth grade- almost 30 years. I'll call them Jeff and Todd, but that's not their real names.

Jeff lives with his mom and dad. He is 41, but has never had his own place. He's been heavily involved in drug abuse since high school. We first met each other when he happened upon me hiding out in a creek and sneaking a cigarette. He had hid his cigarettes nearby and thought I was stealing his stash.

About a year ago, Jeff was high and drunk and hanging out in a bar with a friend of his. For some reason, unknown to me, words were exchanged with another guy at the bar and Jeff told him to go outside and throw down with him. The guy almost killed Jeff. His jaw, nose, and skull were fractured. He was in the hospital for a while and still needs more surgery to correct his injuries. He's been on a cocktail of pain meds and Xanax since then.

I don't know what prompted Jeff to go back to the hospital, but he was back there getting checked out a little while ago. He was told that his long term use of pain meds had caused his liver to become enlarged and damaged. That freaked Jeff out and he immediately stopped using the drugs. I don't think he understands the danger of doing that. For one thing, I know that coming off those drugs cold turkey can cause seizures.

The withdrawal symptoms coupled with the pain of his injuries drove Jeff nearly to a breaking point a few nights ago. He sent a text to Todd telling him to call the police on him and that he wanted to kill himself. I'm not sure what he was thinking and why he couldn't check himself into the hospital. Maybe he just needed to reach out to someone.

That totally freaked Todd out. He got the text about twelve hours after Jeff sent it and he couldn't get a hold of Jeff. He called me and asked me if I could check on Jeff. He was crying almost uncontrollably. It really shocked him. I live 50 miles away from both of these guys now, so I didn't know how much help I could be. Todd is a drunk. He started drinking heavily when he was 15 and was an alcoholic by the time he was 25. He is also 41 and has never lived on his own. I owe Todd, though. He may have saved my life when I was 24. That's a different story, and I'll post about it after I post this.

So I tried to call Jeff and couldn't get him at his cell phone. I called his mom and dad's number and got his mom. I vaguely told her that I had heard Jeff was having a hard time and asked if he was there. She said he was suffering a bit the other night, but she didn't know about the text to Todd and I didn't tell her. She said Jeff was asleep at the time, but that he had been doing better today.

A short time later, Jeff called me and told me what was going on. He said that he was feeling so badly the other night that he felt like he would rather be dead. He said that he felt better now, but that he was still in a lot of pain. I told him he needed to call Todd and set him at ease.

Despite being a crazy drunk, Todd has got a really soft heart. All of his friends and family have given up on him and deserted him except for me, Jeff, and Todd's mom. He calls me up and tells me he loves me and how awesome I am. If you'd listen to him talk to me, you'd think I was a god. I'm not a bad guy, but I'm no deity and I'm certainly far from perfect. I think it underscores how badly Todd feels about himself. He feels like he's failed at everything.

Jeff, Todd, and I have all fucked ourselves up with alcohol and/or drugs. Todd got drunk for the first time when he was 15. Jeff and I got drunk and high for the first time when we were 15. Todd can't quit drinking for more than 24 hours before he starts getting the tremors. Jeff has been addicted to everything, and has had significant jail time to show for it. And if he hadn't have been fucked up that night he might not have gotten his skull cracked. LSD pushed me into the realm of insanity when I was 20. It would be ten years, two convictions, and three trips to the lock down psych ward before I would recover.

But I did recover. Todd and Jeff have not. I'm not going to tell those guys what to do. They've heard it all before and they don't need me, a guy who has gotten fucked up with them countless times, preaching and moralizing to them. All I can do is listen to them and be there for them when I can. It's really very sad.