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Heddi

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10. Just say "no." It's not a dirty word. "No, I can't do that." is fine and needs no further explainati

Sun Jan 8, 2017, 07:45 PM

Jan 2017

explaination.

When my mother was alive, she would routinely ask for money -- $400 here, $1000 there, $50 here. I never gave it to her. Same with my grandmother -- $1500, $500 there.

My answer was always "no."

Not "No but you know I wish I could..."

Not "Gosh well let me think about it"

Not "no, but..."

Just no.

If they can't take "no," then they're certainly not going to take my money.

And if you do give them money, understand that regardless of any promise they make, you'll never see a dime in repayment. When you come to collect, you'll suddenly be the bad guy, cut off from all communication. So never look at it as a loan, but a gift that will only serve as a reason for them to come to you in the future for more gifts and more gifts.

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OK, a real question seeking real advice in a sticky family sitch. [View all] OrwellwasRight Jan 2017 OP

You are not a scrooge Generic Brad Jan 2017 #1

Thanks OrwellwasRight Jan 2017 #4

Tell them you will gladly consider it along with their plan for repayment. Coventina Jan 2017 #2

That's helpful. OrwellwasRight Jan 2017 #5

Good luck to you! It is a sticky wicket. If, by chance, the relative DOES come back with a plan, Coventina Jan 2017 #8

I think it would all be for show -- OrwellwasRight Jan 2017 #13

Re: " I hate feeling like a scrooge" Donkees Jan 2017 #3

I appreciate that. OrwellwasRight Jan 2017 #6

Only with collateral and a detailed payment plan outlining precisely where the funds Floyd R. Turbo Jan 2017 #7

She'd never do it. OrwellwasRight Jan 2017 #11

IF you give the money don't expect it back. Make it a gift, with no free refills. nt TeamPooka Jan 2017 #9

Yes, no matter what promises she made, I'd have to say OrwellwasRight Jan 2017 #33

Just say "no." It's not a dirty word. "No, I can't do that." is fine and needs no further explainati Heddi Jan 2017 #10

It's terrible to say. OrwellwasRight Jan 2017 #12

The ironic thing for me is that it was my mother & grandmother who warned me when I was young Heddi Jan 2017 #17

Again, thanks of sharing your story. OrwellwasRight Jan 2017 #20

If you are inclined to give relative #2 $10,000 to assist relative #1 mnhtnbb Jan 2017 #14

Thanks OrwellwasRight Jan 2017 #19

It depends on how close a relative and how high the request. rug Jan 2017 #15

Very close. OrwellwasRight Jan 2017 #16

Well, I would give what I could and tell them to keep it. rug Jan 2017 #18

FWIW, you should tell her no. sarge43 Jan 2017 #21

Thanks. OrwellwasRight Jan 2017 #32

I have a sibling that "borrowed" $10,000 about years ago Thor_MN Jan 2017 #22

Yeah, I went through that with "friends" OrwellwasRight Jan 2017 #31

stay strong. mopinko Jan 2017 #23

I appreciate that. OrwellwasRight Jan 2017 #30

Stick to your decision. GeorgeGist Jan 2017 #24

Thank you. OrwellwasRight Jan 2017 #29

She's getting money somehow from somewhere TexasBushwhacker Jan 2017 #25

That's true. And a bit scary. OrwellwasRight Jan 2017 #27

Sometimes homelessness or the threat of homelessness TexasBushwhacker Jan 2017 #34

Well, OrwellwasRight Jan 2017 #35

I'm on SSDI for depression myself TexasBushwhacker Jan 2017 #36

Again, thanks very much. That is helpful to know. OrwellwasRight Jan 2017 #37

Not sure I understand. Iggo Jan 2017 #26

Well, I feel bad. OrwellwasRight Jan 2017 #28

Ah, they're just paying her off so she doesn't show up homeless on their doorstep. hunter Jan 2017 #38

I'd rather she sleep on my couch than give OrwellwasRight Jan 2017 #39

Put aside money to buy her a bus ticket if it ever comes to that. hunter Jan 2017 #41

Wow. OrwellwasRight Jan 2017 #42

Blow a loud raspberry and stumble away laughing. Orrex Jan 2017 #40

Thank you! OrwellwasRight Jan 2017 #43