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SaveOurDemocracy

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85. Are you sure you want to jump right into assisted living?

Sun Aug 20, 2017, 01:55 PM

Aug 2017

Many "Retirement" "Lifecare" communities have multiple options to fit different needs.

My MIL and parents started in independent living (cottage or condo/apt). The nice thing about this option is a larger living space. It costs more up front, but a percentage is returned to you, or the estate, when it is resold. Also, you can choose to hire someone to come in daily, or a few days a week, to assist with ADL (activities of daily living) ... bathing, laundry, shopping.

My concern is that, although hubby may need some assistance, you may not be happy living in an assisted living setting long term.

The nice thing about communities that have different levels of care on the same "campus" is that, down the road, when one partner needs assisted or skilled nursing care the other partner can spend all day with them, if they choose.

Let me state that as I have no idea what type of an assisted living facility you're considering, or what your financial situation may allow, none of what I've said above may apply. I just know this is a major life decision and you want to consider it carefully.

Love and good luck to you and hubby.

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hubby and I are planning to go into Assisted Living. [View all] CTyankee Aug 2017 OP

I do wish you luck and hope very sincerely that you will be happy katmondoo Aug 2017 #1

That's wonderful for you. As you may know, there are potential consequences. erronis Aug 2017 #60

Hope all goes well left-of-center2012 Aug 2017 #2

eBay is a good idea. CTyankee Aug 2017 #4

Be VERY careful if you hire someone fir an estate sale Lochloosa Aug 2017 #18

How do you find someone reputable? moonscape Aug 2017 #66

First, find a reputable full service realtor Sedona Aug 2017 #83

I did some research to find a good article on estate sales. Lochloosa Aug 2017 #141

I agree. bucolic_frolic Aug 2017 #79

Moving is overwhelming at 30...and only gets more difficult with each passing year. angstlessk Aug 2017 #3

I Wish I Lived Closer TheOther95Percent Aug 2017 #5

We're in our mid 70s and are looking to downsize. We're both in fairly good health and no problems shraby Aug 2017 #6

I just read the other day we spend 2/3 of our life collecting stuff... Freedomofspeech Aug 2017 #7

I've been thinking about this a lot lately... Phentex Aug 2017 #11

My dad just told me has been going through all the family photos and dividing them MLAA Aug 2017 #33

I want to do this for my kids plus Phentex Aug 2017 #39

My Dad talked about doing that but never did csziggy Aug 2017 #106

when my husband's mother died, he got a lot of things that are dear to him. CTyankee Aug 2017 #14

I can relate. I'm in the midst of a purge and it's rugged emotionally moonscape Aug 2017 #71

i'm 37 crazycatlady Aug 2017 #89

Good luck. In years I'm not that far behind you. Lint Head Aug 2017 #8

I salute you - we did this with my Mother ten years ago. DUgosh Aug 2017 #9

It's a chore. I helped clear out my sister's house of 43 years last sinkingfeeling Aug 2017 #10

When I took a tour for one place, they said you can hire people to downsize CTyankee Aug 2017 #19

I have a friend in CA who does estate sales. redwitch Aug 2017 #152

Don't know what your time frame is Phentex Aug 2017 #12

At our age, we kinda have to go... CTyankee Aug 2017 #15

Take the heirlooms and art with you. progressoid Aug 2017 #13

who are dorothy and herbert vogel? CTyankee Aug 2017 #16

Some of their collection came though the mid-west when I was in art school in the 80's progressoid Aug 2017 #21

My art isn't like that, of course. CTyankee Aug 2017 #24

Ours isn't either. progressoid Aug 2017 #26

tell me about it. CTyankee Aug 2017 #31

I think walls are prime real estate blaze Aug 2017 #113

Check the prices of your movie posters..you may be surprised. n/t dixiegrrrrl Aug 2017 #64

I have one of the movie "Fellini's Roma." My ex husband collected old movie CTyankee Aug 2017 #93

Wow!!! BlancheSplanchnik Aug 2017 #50

Also, consider taking pictures of everything to document it. forgotmylogin Aug 2017 #48

You can do this with photos, too. fierywoman Aug 2017 #52

You might be surprised TexasBushwhacker Aug 2017 #17

Oh, I am all for it! CTyankee Aug 2017 #20

I hope you get all the help you need to handle the process! BlancheSplanchnik Aug 2017 #53

Oh, I hope so, too. CTyankee Aug 2017 #65

:) BlancheSplanchnik Aug 2017 #76

My tour guide suggested that I come to lunch and chat with the people there. CTyankee Aug 2017 #94

See for yourself! catchnrelease Aug 2017 #119

My 94 year old mother lives in a place that has wonderful food. LuckyLib Aug 2017 #123

We went through this recently with my mother. LuckyLib Aug 2017 #124

when I have selected a facility I will tell them to work out a date good for all. CTyankee Aug 2017 #143

Then go yourself, if you can. BlancheSplanchnik Aug 2017 #128

Best of luck - we helped my mom with this after my dad passed, about 10 years ago. NRaleighLiberal Aug 2017 #22

Thank you. CTyankee Aug 2017 #25

Definitely best wishes to you and your husband. barbtries Aug 2017 #23

One daughter will fly from Los Angeles where she lives to New Haven. CTyankee Aug 2017 #27

I live in Sherborn, MA too sweetroxie Aug 2017 #91

Then you might know them. I'll pm you with their names and kids names. CTyankee Aug 2017 #95

BEST of luck on this adventure, yank, and remember to elleng Aug 2017 #28

Hi, ellen! CTyankee Aug 2017 #32

I 'downsized' when I left my/our home elleng Aug 2017 #38

Yes that riverside house looks like a lovely spot! CTyankee Aug 2017 #63

Oh my, cilla4progress Aug 2017 #29

Thanks. CTyankee Aug 2017 #34

Good luck! H2O Man Aug 2017 #30

thanks H2O Man! CTyankee Aug 2017 #36

Best wishes as you and your husband embark on this new adventure! MLAA Aug 2017 #35

thank you! CTyankee Aug 2017 #37

Best of luck to you! It's a tough move to make and even more difficult mnhtnbb Aug 2017 #40

I wish you all the best, you are very courageous recognizing what is necessary still_one Aug 2017 #41

One of my jobs is helping elderly people downside and then move them into assisted living kimbutgar Aug 2017 #42

Have you helped folks out with estate sales? CTyankee Aug 2017 #68

No but there are businesses all over the country that can help you with that kimbutgar Aug 2017 #78

I just looked at that website. CTyankee Aug 2017 #98

Wow. I sure don't envy you. We are both getting older and need to downsize but every time I look OregonBlue Aug 2017 #43

Yes, try to look at it as a new adventure... LakeArenal Aug 2017 #44

I was my mother's caregiver through 8 years of dementia. She passed in May. Trust Buster Aug 2017 #45

I had to move and downsize recently. Here's what I learned: fierywoman Aug 2017 #58

Great tips! Phentex Aug 2017 #75

I agree, MK is sometimes cray-cray! But the spark joy thing has helped a lot. fierywoman Aug 2017 #96

Lots of things I really need to keep around, PoindexterOglethorpe Aug 2017 #127

Have you used those toothbrushes in the last 2, 5, 10 years? TexasTowelie Aug 2017 #131

I replace them periodically. PoindexterOglethorpe Aug 2017 #137

Having healthy teeth sparks joy to me! fierywoman Aug 2017 #144

Good luck! I've been there, done that and it isn't a piece of cake. Frustratedlady Aug 2017 #46

What you're doing now is in the future, near or not-so-near, for many of us. TygrBright Aug 2017 #47

I will certainly do that... CTyankee Aug 2017 #99

My very best wishes, CTyankee. femmocrat Aug 2017 #49

Downsizing is so difficult at any age. MontanaMama Aug 2017 #51

Best wishes to you! n/t PoliticAverse Aug 2017 #54

Hope you find just the right place for you both. TNNurse Aug 2017 #55

Well If I mightr suggest whistler162 Aug 2017 #56

We downsized our house last year. Mr.Bill Aug 2017 #57

Assisted Living apkhgp Aug 2017 #59

We spend so much of our lives PatSeg Aug 2017 #61

For some reason I'm an oddball. llmart Aug 2017 #118

I never acquired many possessions either PatSeg Aug 2017 #130

I'm finding this thread very helpful. Thank you for sharing your story. nt AnotherMother4Peace Aug 2017 #62

I was the director lillypaddle Aug 2017 #67

Good for you extvbroadcaster Aug 2017 #69

Be thankful you have help bucolic_frolic Aug 2017 #70

Best of luck! snowybirdie Aug 2017 #72

Prayers and strength to you and yours benld74 Aug 2017 #73

Could the VA help you now with home health help etc? nini Aug 2017 #74

Wishing you the best! volstork Aug 2017 #77

Give it all away to your helpful and generous kids tavernier Aug 2017 #80

You are wished luck in your endeavor.......and may I suggest some heavy duty drugs!!!! a kennedy Aug 2017 #81

We did an assisted living MFM008 Aug 2017 #82

Good luck. I hope you and your husband both spend a long, happy time in assisted living. Jim__ Aug 2017 #84

Are you sure you want to jump right into assisted living? SaveOurDemocracy Aug 2017 #85

Have you looked at renting the house rather than selling it as a source of extra income? cstanleytech Aug 2017 #86

That's an idea...BUT I would still have to be responsible for say, having repair CTyankee Aug 2017 #100

True but such repairs are tax deductible if I recall for rentals. cstanleytech Aug 2017 #105

Oh my! That has to be a biggie! longship Aug 2017 #87

Wishing you and your husband all the best, CTyankee. democrank Aug 2017 #88

I found myself in the same place..12 years ago - the yard and house asiliveandbreathe Aug 2017 #90

A small suggestion crazycatlady Aug 2017 #92

You are wise to downsize, wishing you great success! peacebuzzard Aug 2017 #97

let's ask the important question Skittles Aug 2017 #101

Of course! They have a computer available there but I want to keep mine. CTyankee Aug 2017 #103

Laptop? If not then might be time to switch to one and get a smaller desk with enough cstanleytech Aug 2017 #107

get a laptop and a smaller desk Skittles Aug 2017 #110

Thinking of you both! Solly Mack Aug 2017 #102

Thaks, Solly. CTyankee Aug 2017 #104

I would also look at 55 plus communities iamateacher Aug 2017 #108

thanks for your help! CTyankee Aug 2017 #109

My parents moved into an assisted living place and it was immediately home for us kids. applegrove Aug 2017 #111

All the very best to you both Hekate Aug 2017 #112

I wish you luck, and hope for a complete recovery for your hub. PatrickforO Aug 2017 #114

Yours is the hardest of transitions Eyeball_Kid Aug 2017 #115

Best of luck to both of you. LeftInTX Aug 2017 #116

Good luck. It very much sounds like the right move for you. CousinIT Aug 2017 #117

Love to you both. You're off on another one of life's adventures. mia Aug 2017 #120

Best of fortune to you CTyankee PufPuf23 Aug 2017 #121

I'm so glad your kids are going to help radical noodle Aug 2017 #122

Best of luck cate94 Aug 2017 #125

I hope you can stay in touch Omaha Steve Aug 2017 #126

Good for you. This is a difficult transition. PoindexterOglethorpe Aug 2017 #129

Is it possible to instead hire someone to come stay with you for a few months and help out? Liberty Belle Aug 2017 #132

Assisted Living - some things to keep in mind from a 911 dispatcher... the_sly_pig Aug 2017 #133

Good luck Denis 11 Aug 2017 #134

How much control of your finances do you retain, and how much control does the facility obtain? WinkyDink Aug 2017 #135

Scaling down pamdb Aug 2017 #136

Yeah, start a plan now... CTyankee Aug 2017 #147

I wish you the very best Highway61 Aug 2017 #138

My Father in Law edhopper Aug 2017 #139

The pictures and art on the walls are the worst to let go DFW Aug 2017 #140

My 3 kids will come and take what they want and get a dumpster for the stuff I CTyankee Aug 2017 #145

Thank goodness my folks 'disposed of' their art works, elleng Aug 2017 #154

I wish you the best in this situation. Texin Aug 2017 #142

We still have mortgage payments and I will call the bank and see how much is CTyankee Aug 2017 #146

my heart onethatcares Aug 2017 #148

thank you. It's a long road to walk... CTyankee Aug 2017 #149

Did you think in 2004 when you joined DU some day you'd be writing a post Fla Dem Aug 2017 #150

It's all good Faux pas Aug 2017 #151

My mom and dad moved across the country to live with my sister because of a similar situation Freethinker65 Aug 2017 #153

Good luck! You'll do great with much less burden lunatica Aug 2017 #155

best wishes to you both in your big transition :) nt steve2470 Aug 2017 #156