My husband died Friday night.

[MaryMagdaline]

96. So sorry

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 3 years ago. We were together 33 years in all. He suffered a long time with a degenerative disease and a lung disease. I do not think I could have endured a sudden death. I cannot imagine the shock you are going through. Even though I knew my husband was sick, it was still hard to adjust to the reality of his death. I remember leaving the hospital and saying to myself how horrible I felt but now I can go home and talk to my husband and he and I can work everything out. I realized then that every painful event in my life had been softened by his love. After the first shock I was able to rest. I had not rested during years of caregiving. Then there was a second layer of grief ... the shock that I had lost the healthy and young Husband for good. I may have thought that I could endure the end of his sickness and pain but somehow, illogically, I expected to be reunited with the young person. I realized the sick one took the young and healthy one with him. That caused me to be angry for my husband. I now grieved for what HE had lost. Thoughts of how dare god or providence take him away from himself?

Your sudden loss must be horrendous. I hope that there are siblings, children or others who loved your husband so that you all can huddle together and they allow you to talk about your husband. My husband's sister was like a mother to him and she was never bored with my talking about my husband.

I cannot listen to any of the old songs we liked. I cannot go to any of the old places. I could not hang out with people who just liked him. I wanted only to be around people who loved him or never knew him. Anyone who could easily go on without him was too much for me to handle. Death is an affront. It is a heartless thief. Don't hang out with anyone who does not feel just how evil and absurd your loss is.

If you are up to it, tell us how you are doing next week and the weeks afterwards. I wish you peace.