My battle scars are nothing compared to Hillary Clintons.

[senz]

18. I need to talk to you, misterhighwasted & hope you haven't put me on ignore.

I saw this thread last night but was too sleepy to reply and almost didn't find it today. But I want you to know that what you say has some truth to it, even for me. I can understand how you feel, up to a point. When Bill Clinton was elected president in 1992, I danced all night with a crowd of happy revelers and burst into tears when they played "Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow." After the hideousness of 8 years of what may have been irreparable damage inflicted upon our nation by that phony actor Ronald Reagan, and after 4 years of the seemingly nice but actually cynical Poppy Bush, it felt like the sun was finally shining on our fair land when we had a Democrat in the White House again.

Despite Bill Clinton's questionable moves (WTO, NAFTA, 1996 Telecom Act, repeal of Glass-Steagall, harsh welfare reform), I supported him throughout the 90s. A large part of my support was a reaction to the attacks by what Hillary correctly termed the "vast rightwing conspiracy." I spent the 90s (and ever since) enraged by what they were/are doing. The newly developed Worldwide Web connected me with fellow angry Dems who were finally opening up about our shock and anger at Republican viciousness. I burned at that putrid sh!t Kenneth Starr's impeachment website and a little later, my online cohorts and I read Joe Conason's The Hunting of the President and exploded at what the Supreme Court did to our country on December 12, 2000.

But nothing made me angrier at Republicans than what they did to Hillary Clinton. I couldn't believe it when, early in Bill's presidency, some southern state repubs hung her in effigy. They seemed to hate her even more than Bill -- and she was only the First Lady. I read faces fairly well and could see how shocked she was and how frightened inside, even while putting on a very brave front, which I think she has done ever since. So I do feel for her.

But then her image began to crack. It happened in bits and pieces and wasn't an orderly process in my mind. One of the early fissures was when she decided, seemingly out of the blue, to run for the Senate from New York state. New York? Neither of them had ever been New Yorkers. This bit of carpet bagging was jarring. Then she voted for Dubya's war. What? Who is this woman? Then I read somewhere that Bill really missed the White House, and fairly quickly it became apparent that Senatorial ambitions were merely a stepping stone to regaining the White House -- and the pro war vote was mere ash-covering, keeping her record strong for her true ambition. Most people run for president after having run and served in the interest of their actual beliefs. Never has she expressed strong belief in any cause beyond women and children. Concern for the bread and butter lives of average Americans seems foreign to her. Then I caught some TV footage of Bill, Hillary, and Chelsea moving very slowly and deliberately through a crowd of people, walking in a sort of slow syncopated march with their chins up, eyes half-lidded, very serene, very above it all, and I realized that they saw themselves as royalty -- above and beyond the mere groundlings, those ordinary, plebeian Americans. I guess they think they're the new Royal Family. That's a whole lotta ego. And not much heart.

Then came the 2008 campaign. That was when Hillary finally blew it for me. She conducted herself without a shred of ethics. It became obvious that she would do and say anything, without any filter from a conscience, to get what she wanted. There were the lies, but what finally blew my stack was when she was asked if Barack Obama was a Muslim, and she replied with something like, "Well, he says he isn't, so, I don't know, probably not..." My jaw dropped, and I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Then I admitted to myself what I'd been avoiding for years: Hillary Clinton has no conscience left in her soul. After that, news of the secrecy, the distrust, the punishment of any apparent disloyalty, didn't surprise me. And her recent behavior -- refusing to address Americans as if they mattered, putting emphasis on getting rich, hiding her views from the public, etc. Gross. And Chelsea's first job out of Stanford was with a hedge fund? Really? And then she married a hedge fund manager? Really? It just gets uglier and uglier.

When Elizabeth Warren came along pressing for a fairer, more equitable economy, I couldn't believe our collective good luck. When she didn't want to run (perhaps fearing Clinton retribution?), I had hopes for Martin O'Malley, whom I still like. As a long time fan of Thom Hartmann, I've loved Congressman, then Senator, Sanders forever, so when HE decided to run, that was it, for me. No he's not a Dem, but he's a better Dem than Hillary will ever be. Democrat is more than a party; it's a state of mind.

What do I think happened? Unless she was this way from the start and I missed it, I think the rightwing abuse hardened her to what she is now. If she ever had ideals, I think they're gone. I believe that all she cares about is herself and her family (possibly just her daughter). Period. I would not trust the American people's fate to her. But if it ends up either her or a Republican, then I will, with great regret, vote for her. And you will be jubilant that "she" got what "she" wanted. For herself.