The Gay Male Couple’s Guide to Nonmonogamy

[Rowdyboy]

14. Every relationship is different, every circumstance special....My partner and I

have led a largely monogamous relationship for 23 years. Prior to meeting him (I was 35, he 39) I was quite promiscuous, while he was in an 18 year marriage. After his divorce, we met and I fell for him immediately. Since then we've jointly explored outside opportunities a few times but always as a couple. I was stunned to learn years ago that he was actually jealous of me which really made me reconsider my basic assumptions about myself.

I'm forced to be completely honest with him because, after so many years he knows me too well for me to lie successfully, even if I wanted to. I've never been very good at it and his perceptiveness rules it out as an option now.

Part of our situation is, of course, due to our location. Options are somewhat limited in semi-rural Mississippi as you might suppose. Also, almost immediately after we fell in love we gave up the bar scene. The only ones in our area are 30 miles away and not that exciting when you know who you're going home with. We really only know a handful of gay people here so there's really not much competition.

Add to all that the fact that the two of us have very similar likes and dislikes, share political views, enjoy the same hobbies and he smells really, really good. Plus we share a taste in looking at and talking about men.

I'm not endorsing monogamy. Actually, I think its kind of silly when pursued as an end in itself. In our case it happened naturally and worked out well for us. And, as I said, its "largely" monogamous. I have this one really hot friend from college....