The church is rich, powerful, and has a lot of hospitals, churches and schools in poor areas with no birth control. That means, plenty of new and old followers to keep it fat and content. Why should it change anything outside of it's "tone" so that it sounds less mean? Thus allowing those who do belong to say, "See! It's gentle and friendly and it cares about us."
I don't know what non-Catholics you know (or Catholics for that matter, as many of them seem to be living in perpetual hope of a miracle), but I've no illusions about the Catholic Church changing. Which is why I'd urge Catholic gays and women who want something different to convert to Episcopalian. It's like waiting for that abusive boyfriend to change. It's easier and faster to change yourself. And, thus, find whatever it is you're after (religious acceptance, being able to serve god as you wish, etc.). Leave the one who won't change and become what you want before your life is over and you realize you spent the whole of it waiting for someone else to make you happy.
Obviously, as a non-Catholic, such urging is presumptuous of me, but you brought up what non-Catholics think of all this and that's what I think.
Now, of course, letting the Vatican influence American laws regarding the right of American gays or women (or similar laws in may other countries for that matter) is a whole other story. In that, I urge everyone to stop them however they can be stopped. Period.
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