I'm thinking about [View all]

[LWolf]

a student, and wondering if anyone here has some words of wisdom for me.

Some background: I teach middle school in a conservative, rural, mostly semi-literate community. While I've had gay students, NONE of them have ever come out in middle school; they've waited until they went to high school "in town," where there's a GSA for support, or until they graduated and moved away from home.

In a very small school, my teaching partners and I have our students for all 3 years. They don't want to deal with student sexuality in any way, gay, straight, or anything else. One is moderately conservative in outlook, and the other is more liberal, BUT also struggles with his church's teachings; he tries to be tolerant, with limited success.

So, my student: He's male, and this is my 3rd year with him. His classmates and teachers have all decided that he's gay. Nobody talks to him directly about it, but, in this small community, he's been safe and accepted. Or, at least tolerated, in some cases. I'm not sure that he's gay, and I really don't care, other than to keep an eye on the social ramifications for him. I'm wondering if he's transgender.

He's an extrovert. He loves attention. He craves attention. In every arena. While he's never declared himself one way or another, he has some blatant behaviors that make everyone aware that he's, at least, exploring his options. His family is very loving and supportive, and I don't think he has to worry about their reactions. He's a dancer, traveling into the next town to perform with a program there. I always get invites to his performances, and usually attend.

Middle school is a time of huge change. For boys, they come into 6th grade still very young, and leave at the end of 8th grade young men. In 7th grade, this boy branched out. He started wearing colorful fringed shawls and carrying a purse. He wore jeweled clips in his hair, wrapped his shawls around his waist like a skirt, and sometimes asked his female friends to "trade shoes" for the day if he liked theirs. He developed exaggerated speech patterns, trying to sound like a teenage girl. It became a norm for him to repeatedly ask his classmates and teachers, "Don't I look fabulous today?" My team partners, straight men, were horrified and did their best to totally ignore him. I responded matter-of-factly, unsure if he was, in his typically dramatic fashion, playing a role, or pretending to play a role while he explored his identity, or wanted me to open a conversation...

He's a kid. A minor. I can't really just ask him if he wants to talk about it...not without his parents' permission. I've thought about asking his parents about it, but it seems like that might be violating HIS privacy if he's not really ready to talk to them. So I just continue with being matter-of-fact and keeping an eye on his peers to make sure they don't give him a hard time. They generally don't. Not that they don't make comments. They ARE middle schoolers, after all. But their comments, in content and tone, exhibit at least tolerance, and often affection. So right now he's okay. I spend more time defending him to his other teachers than dealing with his peers.

Any words of wisdom for me? Anything more I should be doing, or anything I should be doing differently?