I found out a co-worker is getting married on Moday. Question.

[swimboy]

4. I had a partner for 22 years

he's my husband now. So after the wedding, your co-worker will have a wife. (Sometimes, like when completing check boxes on forms, spouse.)

Different people will approach wedding formalities differently. It was not really important to me to be referred to as a groom for the brief period I was one. Similarly, not all lesbians are going to appropriate the whole "blushing bride" vocabulary, while some will. The best thing is just to refer to them by name. If you don't know the name, it's an indication you are out of your depth having a lengthy conversation about the private life of your co-worker.

Most people will be generous and accepting of a mis-step from a good-willed supporter. It took me a while to get used to using the term husband instead of partner. 22-year habits are hard to break!

Cheers!