It's horrible trying to figure it all out while you're caught in the middle of it. For mine, psychological torture was something he was good at, too. One day, wonderful ... the next, you look for a place to hide when you know he's coming home. It is strange how people turn out. My mother was very abusive, physically and emotionally to the oldest of us (we're nine kids, she was probably overwhelmed, but still ...), and I could never in my life knowingly hurt someone in any way. I learned to stick up for myself, definitely, but the thought of causing anyone to feel pain hurts me to my soul. I think that's why I let it last so long - the pleas like 'you're my best friend', 'what would I do without you' etc., etc. etc. - I believed all that shit, and it went round and round in my head how could I hurt him. Crazy-making. 
I do believe many women have been punched hard enough and often enough to have TBI's and have never been dx'd, for all the good it might do.
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