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DU Home » Latest Threads » Forums & Groups » Topics » Gender & Orientation » Feminists (Group) » Men are becoming more vio... » Reply #50

Response to Scrivener7 (Reply #48)

Tue Apr 27, 2021, 03:08 PM

50. OK. I'm fine with keeping it on topic, but

why not say that in the first place, instead of downplaying or ignoring the fact that it does happen to men, too? Several posts were dedicated to angry comparisons of male vs. female violence. A simple "Yes, it does happen, but this thread is about male on female violence" would have been sufficient.

I am alive today because of many factors - initial advice from police on getting out when I was too afraid to press charges, my own gut instincts on handling dangerous situations like the one with the gun, help from friends and family, and luck. I can talk about it today because it was many years ago, in my early 20s. I am now 71. For a long time I did not talk about it. Not exactly party or casual conversation material. Too horrifying for many to hear, and too stressful to me to deal with BS like, "So why did you stay so long?" Or, "What did you do to provoke him?"

But I knew I had to deal with the effects on me and learn about the problem of domestic violence beyond my own experience. I worked for a time as both a volunteer and paid advocate in domestic violence programs. I learned about the psychological and sociological dynamics of it.

I also learned that I can speak about it (in appropriate settings) and not feel like it was a weakness on my part for having been in such a situation in the first place, as some feminists claim. I can share experiences and support for people who are dealing with it because I have been there and am alive to be a witness for others.

One thing lacking in this thread, IMO, is solid concrete tips for dealing with domestic violence. As a friend told me once, anyone can complain about something, but if that's all you do, complaints take the place of resolving the problem.

It would take a little time to put it together, but I would like to start a thread on practical advice for surviving, getting out, and then moving on.

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janterry Apr 2021 OP
riversedge Apr 2021 #1
Me. Apr 2021 #2
58Sunliner Apr 2021 #30
wnylib Apr 2021 #44
Me. Apr 2021 #49
58Sunliner May 2021 #56
whathehell Apr 2021 #53
58Sunliner May 2021 #55
bucolic_frolic Apr 2021 #3
Scrivener7 Apr 2021 #8
bucolic_frolic Apr 2021 #12
Scrivener7 Apr 2021 #13
Post removed Apr 2021 #14
Scrivener7 Apr 2021 #15
bucolic_frolic Apr 2021 #17
Scrivener7 Apr 2021 #18
ananda Apr 2021 #22
58Sunliner Apr 2021 #28
wnylib Apr 2021 #46
Scrivener7 Apr 2021 #48
LineLineLineLineLineLineLineLineLineLineNew Reply OK. I'm fine with keeping it on topic, but
wnylib Apr 2021 #50
sheshe2 Apr 2021 #51
niyad Apr 2021 #21
wryter2000 Apr 2021 #41
Dream Girl Apr 2021 #27
Scrivener7 Apr 2021 #31
Dream Girl Apr 2021 #35
Scrivener7 Apr 2021 #39
Dream Girl Apr 2021 #40
Scrivener7 Apr 2021 #43
CousinIT Apr 2021 #23
Scrivener7 Apr 2021 #26
sheshe2 Apr 2021 #52
whathehell Apr 2021 #54
obamanut2012 Apr 2021 #37
no_hypocrisy Apr 2021 #4
multigraincracker Apr 2021 #5
Scrivener7 Apr 2021 #7
58Sunliner Apr 2021 #32
obamanut2012 Apr 2021 #38
Scrivener7 Apr 2021 #6
Duppers Apr 2021 #9
oldsoftie Apr 2021 #10
LymphocyteLover Apr 2021 #11
Scrivener7 Apr 2021 #16
LymphocyteLover Apr 2021 #47
Backseat Driver Apr 2021 #19
-misanthroptimist Apr 2021 #20
CousinIT Apr 2021 #42
Roc2020 Apr 2021 #24
58Sunliner Apr 2021 #33
Lonestarblue Apr 2021 #25
Wounded Bear Apr 2021 #29
58Sunliner Apr 2021 #34
Wounded Bear Apr 2021 #36
Submariner Apr 2021 #45
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