Domestic Violence is an epidemic in this country

[no_hypocrisy]

15. I represent a woman who is continues to be a victim of domestic violence.

I'm an attorney who's representing a woman for free. We're trying to get her five children returned from Child Protection.

Long story short: Her abuser was the first man she seriously dated. She was pregnant with her first child when she discovered that he was still married. She was pregnant with her second child when he got the divorce. He refused to work. They continued to have children. She inherited $100,000 from her father and they spent it all in less than a decade and still were living in poverty as he wouldn't work, wouldn't apply for welfare or Social Security and he wouldn't let her and the kids leave their cabin. (He did steal money as Treasurer of his franchise of the Knights of Columbus.) He controlled her and the children from Day One. He hit and shoved her. He hit their kids when she was in another room. He was verbally abusive and threatened everyone.

The kids were taken away because my client called the police when he was choking the life out of her. Child Protection saw the filth in the house. They noted that the children had never been to school (the eldest being 9 years old). Never been vaccinated, been to the dentist, etc. They were removed and given to foster parents who then decided to adopt them.

My client was in denial and repeatedly told caseworkers that she wasn't a victim of domestic violence. She dropped the restraining order against her husband and asked the court to be allowed to live with him again. And for 18 months they lived like nomads in a variety of motels. She finally left him when he went after her with a baseball bat.

I'm asked why did she wait? Why didn't she leave sooner? The answer is simple: She had no money, no friends, and didn't want to tell her family about her life. In her mind, she had no options. To have a place to sleep at nights, to eat, to see her children, she had to stay with her husband (who also threatened her if she ever left him.)

It's been 18 months since she left him. She's living with her family in another state, in hiding. She's training for a good job while working for the first time in a decade, part-time, at McDonalds. She spends all her paycheck on a bus ticket to visit her children every other week for only two hours. (Bus trip is 9 hours each way.)

She's still seeing counselers and attending programs on domestic violence. She's suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrome. She finally filed for divorce.

And she's still not entirely free. Her husband still makes regular attempts to contact her. (I block him when we're in court together.) He went as far as to date a woman and lied to her to get her to drive him to where my client lives (in the other state). Our main concern is if the kids are returned, how will she be able to effectively protect them from their father? Restraining orders only go so far. And the Josh Powell story last week makes us shudder.

My client struggles daily to understand how she allowed her life to controlled by her husband and how she allowed him to terrorize her children. She feels guilty and knows that she was part of the problem. Even Child Protection treated her as a passive abuser instead of helping her seek assistance. She was just as much a victim as her children were and that fact was ignored. (Instead of programs for domestic abuse, she was sent to Marriage Counseling!)

Mothers who lose their children to adoption usually don't have the money to fight to get them back.