Please give it a try. It will not immediately change your circumstances, but will teach ypu how to live mindfully, in the moment.
https://www.coursera.org/learn/the-science-of-well-being?utm_source=gg&utm_medium=sem&utm_campaign=09-ScienceofWellBeing-US&utm_content=B2C&campaignid=9728548210&adgroupid=99699672436&device=m&keyword=science%20of%20well%20being%20yale&matchtype=b&network=g&devicemodel=&adpostion=&creativeid=428321686708&hide_mobile_promo&gclid=Cj0KCQiAosmPBhCPARIsAHOen-M0v7sqcNx_t5eIW_Gv3PdlafNtIy6kY5YP1SxZC_zG9hO1a2c2rPwaAs1wEALw_wcB
Those who have tried this said they felt better immediately after watching the first videos, which are available immediately upon completing a very brief registration.
For most folks, mindfulness works to decrease depression & anxiety.
Commune with nature.
Have you started a gratitude journal?
List 3 thinga you are grateful for just hefore bed. Add 3 things each night befire bed & reread the whole list.
Amazing process that jump-atarts a positive ebery flow.
Look up research institutiobs near you which mught be offering clinical (free treatment) with neurotherapy or transcemranial magnetic stimulation.
Try contacting bcia.org. they might know of clinical trials in your area.
I can tell you from experience when a person chooses to end it, the gut & pain is unbearable for their surviving loved ones.
I hope you opt for life.