I hate the whole toxic positivity when it comes to mental health [View all]

[crimycarny]

I lost my son to suicide, coming up on 4 years now. I joined a support group for Suicide Loss survivors and, while it's been a big help, certain long-term members on the site spout their own beliefs as gospel.

It's the whole "mindful thinking" philosophy: "Where you are in your grief is a choice", "Everyone can change where they are at mentally if they choose growth." "Grief can be a great teacher if you choose growth." That is so arrogant to say to someone else. I picture someone sitting in yoga pants, drinking chai tea, telling someone who has been stabbled 100 times and is curled up in a ball on the floor, "You know, you are choosing the pain you are in." I get it's meant as a pep talk, but I don't find it helpful.

Mental health is the only human disease I know of where the sufferer is allegedly "choosing" the symptoms of their disease. Would we tell someone with Parkinson's they are "choosing" their tremors? Someone suffering an asthma attack is "choosing" not to breathe? Then why do we assume that someone's mood is a choice versus a symptom of a disease, such as depression?

This Zen shit drives me nuts. So you've got two identical twins, one loses her child to suicide, and the other twin's children go on to live happy lives. So the twin who lost her child is going to have more "growth" than her twin whose kids are thriving? Sorry, I'll take non-growth over this absolute hell I'm in.