Can we all post what we think might be the beginning of our mental illness?

[nadine_mn]

16. I had/have parents with NPD

My mom is a Narcissist, so was my dad but he was out of my life early. There was a lot of physical/emotional abuse I witnessed and was directed at me from birth on through adulthood. My dad was picking me up from the crib and throwing me across the room to get me to stop crying as a baby.

I was banging my head against the wall to make my nose bleed and get my parents to stop fighting at age 3.

At age 8, I was completely dissociating from myself - creating entire new personalities/histories/etc to escape my reality.

At age 14 or so I started cutting and that lasted about 15 yrs, then I met and married my wonderful husband and swapped one version of self harm to a more acceptable one - overeating myself into morbid obesity.

Since then it has been a roller coaster of depression, CPTSD and borderline personality disorder.

I seriously don't think I stood a chance from birth NOT to have a mental illness.

But in 2007 I hit the holy grail of shit storm - lost a job I loved, then in 2008 lost my grandpa, 2009 lost my grandma and one of our dogs, 2011 lost another job and another dog...my grandparents were my emotional core - they helped keep me sane. Losing them really set me back. I haven't had a full time job since 2007 (the one in 2011 was contract position) and the depression has been really major and the isolation and feelings of worthlessness have only increased.