UPDATED: Old cats and breaking hearts [View all]

[hamsterjill]

Last edited Thu Jun 18, 2020, 12:10 PM - Edit history (1)

My old friend has passed, and I will miss him terribly.

Last night, he was less mobile and I sat with him for a long time. I asked him to leave so that his suffering would end and that he would be whole again. I asked him not to linger for my sake.

This morning, he ate only a small amount and I heard him cry out. I said a prayer that I’d be able to set a carrier near him and hope that he would go inside. He immediately did. We left for the vet’s office. He was calm and relaxed.

My vet is a great guy. He knew of the situation and the struggle I was having as we’ve been in contact about this guy for over a month. When I got there, they made some special arrangements to make the passing all the more peaceful, and I am grateful to have this vet and his staff on my team.

CJ is whole again. I am satisfied with my part in this. I loved him dearly and I will miss him very much. He will be met at the Bridge by the ones who have gone before, and who wait for me.

Momentarily, at least, there is a sense of peace. Blessings to all of you who love and care for these magical creatures. They steal our hearts and remind us every day of what is truly important and what unconditional love really is.






Full disclosure: this is a sad post. It may be that you don’t want to read it, and I would understand.

With all that’s going on in the world right now, I confess that I’m more emotional and sappy than I usually am, but I simply need to put some thoughts down in writing, and share with fellow animal lovers.

I’ve been doing cat rescue for about 30 years. Many have come and gone and left imprints on my heart, taking also pieces of my heart when they left.

I’ve been blessed in being able to take reasonably good care of the ones that I’ve rescued and weren’t suitable for adoption. They get good food and vet care and they live in a large enclosed area on my property - safe and climate comfortable. Because of the time that has passed, I have several really old guys in my care right now. I’ve lost many over the years and that has normally involved an illness with treatment until there was no further hope of quality of life, and then a final trip to the vet to make the suffering end. Tears and torment, acceptance, and then going on with life caring for the remaining.

But right now I have a situation that’s a bit different and it’s tearing my heart out. I have an old feral who is near death. I’ve had him since he was an older kitten, he’s lived a reasonably good life with me, but he has never become comfortable being touched. Some do because I’ve witnessed that, but some do not. This guy is one who did not.

Because of this, I opted to let him go naturally with the understanding that if he grew incapacitated or something, that I would take him for humane euthanasia. My vet knows the situation, and while I’m not sure he agrees with my decision, he has been supportive. The cat continues to eat, drink and move about, including moving away from me if I get too close. So he’s not incapacitated at this point. But I’ve got to say, watching him diminish has been one of the most painful things I’ve done in my lifetime. If I were to go out there and grab this kitty up, put him in a carrier and take him to the vet, it would traumatize him. I pray daily for a peaceful slipping away, and yet, he’s still here in the morning. I guess he’s not finished yet or else something keeps him here.

I argue constantly with myself over my decision, but I know the decision is the right one for this particular guy.

As I said, I just needed to get this out - off my chest so to speak - hopefully in a group that will understand. I promise that if I see him suffering (and yes I know cats can hide things, but I’ve been at this a long time and I know this cat) that I won’t ignore the suffering. I want to cuddle him and explain my decision to him, but he won’t allow that so I’m left with talking to him at a distance he’s comfortable with.

Fourteen years is a long time for a feral. I hope he’s had a decent life. I hope he understands. I hope he will slip away peacefully soon and I will Definitely cuddle him as I say goodbye.

Thanks for reading.