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Seniors

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CaliforniaPeggy

(148,842 posts)
Wed Nov 8, 2023, 11:04 PM Nov 2023

A good friend of mine sent me these Senior Words of Wisdom: [View all]

>> • Still trying to get my head around the fact that ‘Take Out’ can mean food, dating, or murder.
>>
>> • Threw out my back sleeping and tweaked my neck sneezing so I’m probably just one strong gas blast away from complete paralysis.
>>
>> Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers: If you do find one, what’s your plan?
>>
>> • The older I get, the more I understand why roosters just scream to start their day.
>>
>> • Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the ‘cool table’ in the cafeteria of a mental hospital.
>>
>> • You know you’re over 50 when you have ‘upstairs ibuprofen’ and ‘downstairs ibuprofen’.
>>
>> . How did doctors come to the conclusion that exercise prolongs life, when the rabbit is always jumping but only lives for around two years while the turtle that doesn’t exercise at all lives over 200 years? So, rest, chill, eat, drink, and enjoy life!
>>
>> • If only vegetables smelled as good as bacon.
>>
>> • When I lost the fingers on my right hand in a freak accident, I asked the doctor if I would still be able to write with it. He said, “Probably, but I wouldn’t count on it.”
>>
>> • I woke up this morning determined to drink less, eat right, and exercise. But that was four hours ago when I was younger and full of hope.
>>
>> • Anyone who says their wedding was the best day of their life has clearly never had two candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine.
>>
>> • We live in a time where intelligent people are silenced so that stupid people won’t be offended.
>>
>> • The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have begun asking humans to prove they aren’t a robot.
>>
>> • When a kid says, “Daddy, I want mommy” that’s the kid version of “I’d like to speak to your supervisor”.
>>
>> • It’s weird being the same age as old people.
>>
>> • Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say CLOSE ENOUGH.
>>
>> • Last night the internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.
>>
>> • If Adam and Eve were Cajuns, they would have eaten the snake instead of the apple and saved us all a lot of trouble.
>>
>> • We celebrated last night with a couple of adult beverages …… Metamucil and Ensure.
>>
>> • You know you are getting old when friends with benefits means having someone who can drive at night.
>>
>> • Weight loss goal: To be able to clip my toenails and breathe at the same time.
>>
>> • After watching how some people wore their masks, I understand why contraception fails.
>>
>> • So now cocaine is legal in Oregon, but straws aren’t. That must be frustrating.
>>
>> • Some of my friends exercise every day. Meanwhile, I am watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.
>>
>> • For those of you who don’t want Alexa or Siri listening in on your conversation, they are making a male version….it doesn’t listen to anything.
>>
>> • I just got a present labeled, ‘From Mom and Dad’, and I know darn well Dad has no idea what’s inside.
>>
>> • Now that Covid has everyone washing their hands correctly…next week…Turn Signals.
>>
>> • Someone said, “Nothing rhymes with orange.” I said, “No, it doesn’t.”
>>
>> • The pessimist complains about the wind. The optimist expects it to change. The realist adjusts his sails.
>>
>> • There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will find this funny.
>>
>> • Reading gives us someplace to go when we have to stay where we are.
>>
>> • I have many hidden talents. I just wish I could remember where I hid them.
>
>> • My idea of a Super Bowl is a toilet that cleans itself.
>>
>> • Apparently exercise helps you with decision-making. It’s true. I went for a run this morning and decided I’m never going again.

Enjoy!

31 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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Some of those are absolutely hilarious! Wounded Bear Nov 2023 #1
Yes! Some of them really hit the funny bone! Glad you enjoyed. CaliforniaPeggy Nov 2023 #2
That's a riot. FalloutShelter Nov 2023 #3
My pleasure, of course! There are several here that really got me! CaliforniaPeggy Nov 2023 #4
I'd tell these to somebody if I could remember them. And was around somebody. Hermit-The-Prog Nov 2023 #5
Thanks for the laughs! 2naSalit Nov 2023 #6
That was really funny. patphil Nov 2023 #7
Thank you Peggy, I shared these with friends too... nt AnotherDreamWeaver Nov 2023 #8
These are all good - many of them are yorkster Nov 2023 #9
Upstairs ibuprofen and downstairs ibuprofen.... Diamond_Dog Nov 2023 #10
Thanks to all of you for your great responses! It means a lot and we all need to laugh! CaliforniaPeggy Nov 2023 #11
Thanks for sharing these CP. My mom would have loved this. littlemissmartypants Nov 2023 #12
Thanks, Peggy! FuzzyRabbit Nov 2023 #13
Well played! IndyPepper Nov 2023 #14
Thx for sharing! PortTack Nov 2023 #15
Thanks for the giggles Peggy! Some really good ones. KS Toronado Nov 2023 #16
I'm stealing this Easterncedar Nov 2023 #17
I am stealing it, too. Delmette2.0 Nov 2023 #21
Made me think of my ex-wife. JohnnyRingo Nov 2023 #18
Good one, Peggy. SlimJimmy Nov 2023 #19
These were excellent!! MacKasey Nov 2023 #20
Too true: We live in a time where intelligent people are silenced so that stupid people won't be offended JudyM Nov 2023 #22
Good laughs! Wild blueberry Nov 2023 #23
Thanks for the laughs megapuzzler Nov 2023 #24
I have ibuprofen on the ground floor BOSSHOG Nov 2023 #25
Someone paid attention. cachukis Nov 2023 #26
Ha! I wore one of these to Zumba today. Croney Nov 2023 #27
I turn 74 next week and multigraincracker Nov 2023 #28
Those are great! Basic LA Nov 2023 #29
Ah...Peg! trof Nov 2023 #30
Ah, my dear trof! I'm glad they made you laugh! I feel the same. And you're welcome! ♥ CaliforniaPeggy Nov 2023 #31
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