(pseudo) intellectual jokes [View all]

[dmallind]

It's not fair that pointy-headed smartypantses are always the butt of jokes. We should remedy that by making them the target audience for a change. Tell some jokes that eggheads will enjoy - maybe even some that only eggheads can "get". Let's tell some high-IQ funnies. A few quickies to get the ball rolling......

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Two atoms walk into a bar:

"Dammit I think I left an electron behind in the last place".

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive".

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Grad student: "Professor - I have good news and bad news; which would you like first?"

Prof: "Oh the good news I think".

Grad student: "I discovered a new galaxy hidden by the rotation of the Milky Way - just two light years away".

Prof: "Why that's amazing! A Nobel prize for sure - the find of the century! What could possibly be bad news compared to that?"

Grad student: "It's blue".

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Building site foreman: "Sorry I've had bad luck hiring intellectuals before - they always screw up"

Comp. Lit. PhD: "But I put myself through 8 yrs of school doing construction. Ask me anything! I need this job."

Foreman: "OK tell you what - if you can answer three easy trades questions right I'll hire you, OK?"

PhD: "Sure!"

Foreman "What's the difference between frame carpentry and finish carpentry?"

PhD: "Easy - frame carpentry is putting up the beams and supporting walls etc, - finish is doing splashboards and cabinets and such."

Foreman: "OK - where do you start laying roofing shingles?"

PhD: "Even easier - at the edge of the roof by the gutters so you can overlay the rows up to the roofline".

Foreman: "Alright - last one. What's the difference between girders and joists?"

PhD: "Easiest one yet - the former wrote Faust and the latter wrote Ulysses".

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