An Atheist’s Open Letter to Those Praying for His Son

[moriah]

23. Eh, I sorta had a bit of the same reaction that guy did, so ....

... maybe I can take a shot at explaining why it came across similarly to me too. The bolded places are good, and he did explain that it was a vent (and if anyone has the right to have stuff to vent it's someone fighting for their child's life). However, there's a three letter word after each one, and what follows undercuts the good statements.

He said he feels that prayer is "ineffective" and "has no value". What's the definition of "worthless"? Having no value? Wouldn't "useless" also be another close synonym? It's a paraphrase, not an exact quote, but the gist is similar. Well, the common expressions "Wishing you the best" or "You're in my thoughts" are just as useless if you only believe in rational science and not the power of positive thinking (which is what prayer pretty much is). So is the fact prayer is ineffective the only reason they're offended? Do they feel offended by the friends who said those similar, innocuous phrases too?

The part you quoted certainly clues us into why they're taking offense -- because some Christians say God doesn't want fertility treatments to happen, or that infertility shouldn't be challenged because it's "God's plan", he is saying he thinks if God exists He would actually think that. Obviously they've had way too many people who felt that way try to push their beliefs on them during their infertility struggles. That sucks, and those people who pushed and preached at them suck too. Mean people suck.

But, okay, my thought is that if God existed and was omnipotent and all that jazz, He'd not have let people gain that knowledge (IVF or fertility treatments, or sterilization, birth control, or abortion for that matter) if he didn't want us to use it. If God exists and if He created us, He certainly gave us our minds, which have collaborated over the centuries to continue to advance human knowledge. If He didn't want their kids to have been born, He wouldn't have let us learn how fertility worked. Just because some Christians preach something doesn't make it so -- and I think they'd agree with at least that statement. Attributing all that meanness that some Christians have shown toward them to every person who says "I'll pray for you"... well, it may be understandable, but it's not exactly good.

I'm Pagan, so I am rather cognizant that some of my more Christian friends might not *want* me to pray for them. Most Christians are so used to their thoughts being the dominant paradigm, though, and don't think about that. Maybe some really do say "I'm praying for you" to make themselves feel better. But most do it the same way I say "I'm thinking of you guys, and wishing you the best". (I have been known to say that and then ask if someone minded if I prayed for them.)

In the *vast* majority of cases, I have realized it's pointless to try to educate the plethora of well-meaning but dim Christians I run into throughout life that not everyone believes the same way they do, and just try to take them at their intent. I had an extremely religious coworker at my last job. She was legitimately sweet, and took a *lot* of crap from people (one of the night shift guys decided to gaslight her into thinking he was a Satanist... geez). She invited me to her church soon after I started, when I was working on Easter. She knew I was new to the area, assumed I was Christian, and said if i hadn't already found a "church home" here that she'd be happy to have me come with her. I dodged the issue of my own faith by saying that my mother was Episcopalian and when I was in Little Rock I went to church with her (which was true, but not the whole truth). Later on when we got to know each other better, she did eventually learn I was Pagan -- but by then realized I was also a sweet person, so was able to ask questions rationally and get answers rather than run away screaming making the sign of the Cross.

I'm too poor to donate to their GoFundMe, though, so I really can't do much directly for them, except to try to say I care. So I hope they wouldn't be offended by learning that they were in my thoughts.