Faith is the excuse we give ourselves to believe things without good reason

[eqfan592]

128. Ya know, maybe it would help for you to understand...

...why I find this idea that I have a "choice" in being an atheist or not so insulting. I've actually had it pretty easy as atheists in the country go. I haven't had to deal with much in the way of direct discrimination, and and I hope that continues. However, there is one particular incident that will always stick with me, and it involves my mother.

My mother and I have always had a very good relationship. I love her a great deal, and I never once doubted that she loved me, and there's sadly far too many people who can't say the same (my wife included, tho that situation has thankfully improved). My mother is also a Democrat, tho she is a bit more moderate than I am, but we are in full agreement on most key issues. She's an intelligent, thoughtful, and caring woman.

So you can imagine my dismay when after telling her I was no longer a christian she told me she thought I was going to hell. That my mother would honestly believe her son would end up in a place of eternal torture and damnation, no matter what sort of life he may lead, all because he was no longer a christian was bad enough. But the fact that she was so obviously distressed and concerned about it made it so much worse.

Now I'm obviously none too concerned about my actually going to hell. But the fact that those words left her mouth at all really stunned me, and the knowledge that this is something that worries her so greatly was distressing to say the least, as the last thing I ever wanted to do was bring her any sort of extra stress in her life. And while her and I still have a very good relationship, this is an issue we have never spoken about since, even tho I can easily see how much it still worries her whenever the topic of religion comes up.

So when somebody tells me that I "chose" to lose my faith, it takes every ounce of my strength not to want to punch them dead in the face. I would never in a thousand years have chosen this situation with my mother of my own free will. But I can no more change my belief now than I could fly into space by jumping with all my strength.

Now this is not to say that I somehow lament the loss of my faith. I don't. I feel very at peace with the universe around me now. I only wish it could have happened that I could have found this peace and not have this situation with my mother.

Like I said, I've been very lucky as an atheist, and compared to so many other stories that are out there, mine likely appears extremely tame, hardly worthy of mention. But the pain and distress caused by it is very real to me, and very sharp at times. It is why I feel the way I do on this subject of belief and choice. You could say it was a major part in constructing that particular belief for me. So there you have it.