Now I lay me down to sleep...

[Voice for Peace]

62. my maternal grandmother and mother both were full of woe.

Some say the attitudes & experiences of the maternal
grandmother are passed to the grandchild directly.
The egg of the grandchild is formed within her
grandmotherly womb, when she is pregnant with a
daughter.

My mother lived dreamed and breathed thoughts
of death. She expected to die before she was 30.
I was born when she was 29 but apparently I tried
to abort myself early on; immersed in a womb
of death, what was the point of being born?
Everything died, dies, and is always dying.

When I was a child, my mother took me to visit
graveyards. I recall this as being a frequent outing,
but maybe it happened only once. I remember her
pointing out the graves of little children.. oh look,
she would say, she was only five years old...

Meanwhile I was already six, and living on borrowed
time. I said that same prayer every night.
I fully expected to die before I waked. Every day
was .. huh.. now what? Planning for tomorrow was
never a sensible option.