I was a member of one of the chapters of The National Lutheran Fraternity. One night there was a presentation, and we were invited to accept Christ as our personal savior. I did so. I took it pretty far at times. I carried that faith with me at some level until 1999. Everything hit the fan and instead of turning to God like I always had, I took the anti-Job approach and rejected God. I didn't turn into and atheist at that point--that came later. This was more like a (then 33-year-old) kid throwing a temper tantrum. I tried to come back, but it never really took. I still went to the trough from time-to-time over my son, and then at the death of my mother. It never felt right, though. What I discovered is that when it came to re-accepting the faith, I found that I truly questioned it. I had taken some things for granted from my childhood, re-enforced them over the years, and never really had an occasion to question.
Then I saw this:
I found the science "creation story" (at about 10:50) to be far more beautiful and powerful than the one in Genesis.
And this:
It really struck a chord with me.
And finally this:
It gave a plausible argument for a "Universe from Nothing."
At that point I made a discovery about myself. It seems there were a couple of reasons I could never find the answers that I sought. 1> I wasn't asking the right questions. 2> I was relying on revelation rather than discovery.
I can't say I found the key to happiness, but I'm comfortable now in a way that I never really was before. I don't know if I actually fear death so much as I fear not knowing what happens next.
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