I touched my husband's ashes last night.

[DesertFlower]

24. my husband passed 5/27/12. his ashes arrived

last friday in a marble urn. the bag inside is sealed but i'm sure it can be opened. i want to touch them, but i'm afraid i'll spill them all over.

i thought i would feel better having his ashes, but when they arrived i felt worse. i sat in his recliner -- the last place he sat before entering the hospital. i started to cry.

he left this house on 4/10 and arrived back in an urn.

i sleep with one of his shirts over my pillowcase.

i've always believed in cremation, but afterward it sort of freaked me out. i remembered how beautiful his body was especially when he was young.

my friend michael passed in 2001. part of his ashes were scattered over our property. we hadn't built the house yet. maybe i'll have part of john scattered over the property. it's too soon to decide what i want to do.

right now i'm trying to get through each day. we were together almost 42 years. he was my true love and my soul mate.

several times i've sent him e-mails. wonder if he can read them wherever he is.