Have you ever seen an article about how women with children have a harder time getting dates?

[JustAnotherGen]

11. Okay

I probably missed something at DU that went down but -

It's ridiculous for men to whine about that. Now a bit of background - I've done some ghost writing, and some writing under my own 'name' - mostly in the area of heart space issues. One of the people I've ghost written for (and continue to) is a dating guru who targets women in their SOLID 30's and beyond, successful, well educated, etc. etc. I also have a friend (very good with drawing information out of men) who operates a dating service for successful men in the tri-state area that I help 'coach' prior to turning them loose! My husband would say I'm very good and making this demographic of men bring their A-Game.

Now granted my approach in the dating world as a Solid Single . . . and by Solid Single I mean: marriage was for me ONLY IF something "as good as me" came along. Make sense? It's a would be nice - but truly - marriage is NOT necessary for men or women to have a full life. Look into Bella De Paolo's work and blog for insight on this amazing demographic that I just left this past April.

And - my approach as one who mused in articles and coached in person - was the exact same thing.


Time and again - my husband is a perfect example of this - that gregarious outgoing A Type 'successful' man NEVER married and NO KID 40 years of age and beyond could care less about your job, your salary, your education and yep - even your looks. They aren't looking for a 10. A lot them were nerds, or they were the blue collar guys that got looked over for the guy who went to college to become an accountant, mid-level manager somewhere - back in their 20's. They focused their 20's and 30's on accomplishment and achievement. Some of this is internal drive - and some of it is well . . .

Women, sometimes we can be really mean.
He's too short.
His shoulders aren't broad enough.
He doesn't have this type of degree. I don't like they way he dresses.
I don't like the way he holds his fork.<---Okay - that was one of my pet peeves that could kill a first date unless a man had a British accent but I digress.

This 'man' has heard it all. Experienced it all.

And now flip it - there are a lot of never married, no kids women in their MID 30's and beyond that are just as accomplished, just as driven and point blank - were either too busy working or too busy having fun or a mixture of both (C'est moi! ) to be bothered with marriage and kids. Throw in a couple of long term relationships that went nowhere and voila - 36 and single.

So he decides he wants to settle down, and she decides she wants to settle down. They (if on the coast or in major metropolitan areas) can indeed meet without ever clicking onto a web site. They have the mobility, the financial stability, and the vacation time to go do the 'courtship' thing.

Now - at their age - it's HIGHLY likely that since they have been singles for adult lives - they have been involved in a few step relationships. I know I was. And if you know something is not for you - then it's wise to not date someone in that situation. Because you KNOW it doesn't 'feel right' and it's a hill your willing to die on.

At this age group - it's HIGHLY likely that we've had a dud in the ability to manage his own life or finances department - and vice versa. Men have - at this age - experienced what I call the 'User'.

We all know who she is - because she 'ridicules' us Feminists. She expects that a man will take care of her. Her life, her trade off - but SMART MEN wise up and say - never this way pass again.


I'm getting there redqueen! :lmao:I promise I am! :lmao:

To your point - NOPE - a man is NOT entitled to a date ever.

And not made as a point - but as a counterpoint - NOPE a woman is not entitled to a date ever. Just like a woman is not entitled to a date because she is Beautiful! And talented! And any man would be honored to have you!

That is just as harmful - because I can tell any man or any woman who doubts that -

Every single day 'average Joes' who always have a job and have their financial house in order but don't have a full head of hair meet, like, fall in love with 38 year old 'Secretaries' with an extra 20 pounds on them. Every. Single. Day.

By the time we are in our late 30's - we - myself again having been single until the age of 39 - we have done the rounds with the 'Corporate Guy' and his Beemer and his Golf Days and figure out you know what? That's not working for me. Or - we've encountered the rootless existence man and we figure out - you know what? That's not working for me either.

So a steady job - that's not asking too much.

And that chubby, or nerdy, or balding guy - if he meets a nice woman, who is kind, and makes him FEEL fantastic - and she happens to be an 8, 9 or 10 to his 4, 5, or 6 - I'm not going to begrudge him that. If she just happens to be better looking than him - but makes him feel FANTASTIC - that's not asking too much.


I think - and I've had to knock a few chips off the shoulder of men I've helped K. Coach . . . There is faaaaaaaaaaar more chip on the "shoulderness" from single men that are 45 and bald and under 5 feet 6 inches than there is jobless men (granted - hers tended to be men with money in the bank - but it WAS a barrier for them). And there is a reason for that.

And there is faaaaaaar more of a chip on the shoulder for women (trying to connect with the men) who have gone the rounds of helping a guy pay child support, or keep the head over their roofs, or had to pay second fiddle to an ex wife and kids - that are resistant to the 'man without ambition'.

So yep - that's life! But the article you read? There's probably more to it than meets the eye. I've been approached to write articles for two of the different 'dating sites' and declined because I think their 5 paragraphs and less approach doesn't take the deep dive. They are never going to take the deep dive (and honestly - I've just stuck my big toe in the water) - to say hey -

I understand why a man would resent this - let me explain to him what's going on in her mind.

Or -

I understand why a previously married and/or woman who had kids would resent this - but let me explain what's going on in his mind.


So - Yep - it's life. Yep - we just have to accept some things - men and women both. But there are a LOT of broken hearts out there that have good reasons for the choices and options they do or do not take. The wise man/woman says - that didn't work before - I've done it 5 times. I'd like to show some sanity soooooo . . .


Now ageism towards woman - that's another topic in and of itself!