How is it that paternity rights remain so entrenched in the Patriarchy

[SheilaT]

10. I also wonder if the mom ever had

a will and the kind of paperwork necessary to make sure the stepdad would retain custody.

This is a sad story, and needs to serve as a lesson to anyone who might remotely be in this situation to take care of the legal details ahead of time.

The other thing that strikes me as a little surprising, is that at age 14 the girl was not allowed to talk to the judge and state her own preference.

There really is a lot here that we don't know.

In a similar vein, too many people do not do what they should to secure their rights in situations like divorce. I was talking the other day to a woman who has been completely passive for a couple of years about divorcing her husband, and I kept on telling her she needs to get a lawyer, she needs to establish various things to protect herself. But she seems to have a naive faith that it will all work out just fine. I would not be the least bit surprised if the next time I hear anything of her situation, she'll be on the losing side of the divorce settlement.

I am not about to suggest that all men are bastards, or all women are castrating bitches, but anyone in anything other than a secure, stable relationship (and even most of those people) need to be completely clear-eyed about their own rights, what their state's laws are about divorce, and so on.